Balloons in the Bathtub

I would say it had been one of “those days,” but lately, “those days” are starting to become most days.  It was the kind of day that was filled to the brim with tears and tantrums and prayers to Jesus asking us to make better choices.  Let me paint a picture for you.  

It was a day overflowing with lots and lots of tears like these:

 With plenty of grumpiness like this:

And a whole lot of screaming into the wind just like this:

By 8:30 a.m., in between five thousand time-outs and just as many tantrums, Jake discovered how to unlock and open the front door.  Then, as if that inspired him to master more skills, he taught himself how to take his shirt off.  Then he taught Lilly how to take her shirt off.  So, while both of them were sitting side by side in time-out for yet another fist fight that morning, I overheard an echo of “uh-ohs,” which any mom knows is never a good thing.  Never, ever, ever.  

When I walked over to the two of them, who were both holding their shirts in their hands, it was my turn to pray to Jesus and ask Him to help me make a good choice. With lots of deep breaths and intervention from above, I was able to have a calm discussion with Jake and Lilly about how proud I was that they had mastered this very important skill of undressing, but that since we were already late due to the five thousand time-outs, we had to stay dressed for the rest of the day.  Obviously, I didn’t make myself clear, because it happened again.  And again.  And one more time.

 At one point, I considered letting both kids leave the house without their shirts, but because I care way too much about what people think of me and can't stand for anyone to think think that I just might not have it all together, I chased my children around the house and managed to get them dressed again.  The conversation we had was not as calm as the first one, but I am quite confident that I made myself clear the second time.  In the midst of all the chasing, dressing, and discussing, there were more tears.  There was more grumpiness.  There was more shouting into the wind.  There were more prayers from a desperate Momma.  

Trying my hardest to hang onto the thin thread of patience that was left after my morning, I walked out of my closet just in time to witness toys being heaved into the bathtub.  I recognized the looks my children exchanged that said, “Momma’s having a bad day…. Let’s see how quickly we can push her over the edge!”  Cranky tears quickly turned to playful giggles as they took turns launching various items into the bathtub.  

This is normally not allowed.  This usually ends in time-outs for everyone.  But for some reason, instead of screaming at the top of my lungs like I really, really, really wanted to do, I prayed and asked Jesus to help me make a good choice, just like I had led my children to do at least a dozen times already that morning.  And in the middle of my prayer, I sat down in the middle of the bathroom floor and started laughing.  And I couldn’t stop.  This made their giggles come faster and louder.  At one point, Lilly looked at Jake as if to say, “This is SO not the reaction I thought we’d get!”  

It felt good laughing as I watched my two little messes hurl random objects into the tub.  I may or may not have joined in.  Some might call this bad parenting,  but sometimes there are just “those days.”  Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes there is grumpiness.  Sometimes there is shouting into the wind.  Sometimes there are prayers every hour on the hour.  Sometimes it just feels good to throw our junk in the tub and laugh about it.  

That night, after putting Jake and Lilly to bed, I took a long, deep breath and decided I needed a long, relaxing bath.  All I wanted was some peace and quiet after a very loud and chaotic day.  What I found, as I reached over to turn on the water, made me giggle.

I had hosted a baby shower for a sweet friend of mine the week before, and the remnants of the pink and blue decorations still lingered in corners of the house.  (Confession: There is still one blue balloon wrapped around our living room fan after Jake experimented with helium and a high ceiling.)  In spite of all the frustration that had filled my day, I couldn’t help but smile at the site of balloons in my bathtub.  Two little some-bodies must have snuck in the bathroom before bedtime and left Momma a little surprise.  I took this picture because older, wiser, more experienced moms tell me I will miss these days. These days of tears and tantrums and prayers to Jesus begging for patience.  

Proverbs 31:10-31 paints a portrait of a virtuous woman.  She is strong, dignified, loving, and caring.  She is a wife, and she is a mother.  She serves God with a cheerful heart. She keeps the perfect balance and manages her household graciously.  Verse 25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”  I came across this verse and wondered if this woman, the perfect model of a Momma who has it all together, ever had a day like mine.  I wonder how many times she prayed to God asking Him to renew her strength.  I wonder how often she begged Him to give her patience.  I wonder if she ever laughed about balloons in the bathtub, because she knew that eventually her kids would grow up.  And that one day, she’d miss “those days.”

In an attempt to balance out the grouchiness, I am sharing the "smiling versions" of my little ones as well.  Seeing their cheerful faces helps me to take every day in stride... the good days, the bad days, the ugly days, and the days of balloons in the bathtub.

 

PART 4: A Safe Journey

Do not work for food that spoils, but food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  John 6:27

The story in the bible that tells of Jesus feeding the five thousand has really come alive for me lately.  This story can be found in John Chapter 6.  I have heard it told so many times, but am now beginning to see new truths in the same verses I read over and over again as a little girl. 

This story is about feeding a crowd of people who had a need.  A need to be fed.  Jesus had compassion on them and told his disciples to feed them.  The disciples, who were extremely uncomfortable and very unprepared, focused on their limitations, rather than on His power. 

“This is a remote place,” they said, “and it’s already very late.” 

“We don’t have enough money… it would take more than half a year’s wages to feed this crowd.”

Jesus, knowing in advance what he was going to do, told the disciples to bring to Him what they had.  And all they had were five loaves of bread and two fish.  The disciples were so focused on what they lacked, that they forgot they were with Jesus, the One who can take anything, even our inadequacies, and use them to do mighty things. 

Jesus not only fed the five thousand with the bread and the fish, but he also taught them, nourishing their souls.  In John 6:35, Jesus said, “I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” While reading this story of a beautiful miracle, I realized that there is so much more He wants me to give.

One morning, not that long ago, I woke up and knew that there was another step in loving this group of people God has put on my heart.  Completely 100% out of my comfort zone, I hesitantly asked God that morning, “You want me to pass out bibles, too?”  And the answer that my heart received was, “Yes.  Tell them about me.”

My sister-in-law, Bri, shared with me that many of the local Dollar Stores carry bibles.  So, that day, the kids and I went to the Dollar Store and bought a stack of bibles. 

The very next morning, I met Frank.  Very conscious that the bag of bibles was still in the backseat, I panicked for a second.  Passing out bibles and sharing my faith with complete strangers is extremely new territory for me.  I admire people who can do so without any fear.  I am not one of those people.  What this man said to me will stay with me forever.  It reminded me in such a mighty way that I have to be willing to say yes completely and trust that God will lead me in the direction He wants me to go. 

After introducing myself and offering Frank a bag of food and toiletries, I asked if I could pray for him.  With such a sincere look in his eyes, he said, “Oh, yes, please pray for me.”  When I asked him what I could pray for specifically, his reply was, “a safe journey.”  He had been on the road for eleven days, on his way from Michigan to San Diego, and he was tired.  He could have asked for a lot of things.  But all he asked for was prayer that he would get to where he was going safely.  All of us journey through this life.  And isn't that what all of us want? To be safe.  To be secure.  To be loved. 

Sometimes the journey we face is hard.  Sometimes the journey is lonely.  Sometimes we get tired along the way.  But Jesus is waiting on the side of the road, ready to walk with us and hold our hand.

Before I drove away, I asked Frank if he had a bible.  I couldn’t pass up the chance to share one since God had obviously already planned this in advance.  Then he said to me, “No, Ma’am.  That is the only thing I do not have.”  With tears in my eyes, I handed him a bible, and he was so grateful.  So very, very grateful. 

When I turned my car around and headed the opposite way, I saw him from a distance, standing there by the side of the highway, under a truck stop sign that vaguely resembled a cross, reading his very own bible.  I love being able to hand a bag of food to someone that is hungry.  But it will never compare to the feeling I had that day as I helped to feed a hungry soul. 

Jake and Lilly clasped their hands together and helped say a prayer for Frank that night.  I want to teach my kids to love like Jesus did.  God is showing me that if my prayer for my children is sincere, then I must love like Him too. 1 John 3:18 says, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.“  I am beginning to see that what I do speaks volumes louder than what I say. 

My story is a very ordinary one.  I am just a stay-at-home mom with two kids who has fears and struggles and needs to be reminded constantly that God loves me.  But I believe that God has given me this story to tell.  My prayer is that this very ordinary story (which is continuing to unfold) will encourage you to ask God how you can reach out to the hopeless and the forgotten, the “least” in your life.  I pray that our children will be involved, either in filling bags with food for the hungry or watching us love on strangers.  If He can use me, He can use you.  God takes the simple things, the inexperienced things, and the weak things of this world and uses them in a way so that He is known.  So that He receives all the glory.  All He needs is a yes.  As my friend Jackie told me recently, “God can do anything with a yes, and absolutely nothing with a no.”

 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.  1 Corinthians 1:26-29

PART 3: A New Command

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  John 13:34

A few years ago, I had a conversation with my sweet friend, Charla, who loves Jesus dearly.  We were talking about the best way to help the homeless in our community.  We shared how skeptical we both were about just giving money to anyone on the street corner.  She came up with this idea to keep non-perishable food items and other necessities in bags in her car.  Then when she saw a need, she’d be prepared.  Back then it was just a good idea, something I intended to do. 

In February, the month of LOVE, I followed through on that good intention, and put together bags to keep in the backseat of my car. 

Here are some items I included in each bag:

cereal or fruit bars

peanut butter crackers

fruit cups

dried fruit

tuna

beef jerky

nuts

water

plastic utensils

Kleenex or wipes

feminine products

deodorant

bug spray

socks 

I printed scripture verses on labels and stuck them to the inside of each bag.  I like having a bunch of different ones, and always pray that the person receiving the bag gets just the right verse God wants them to hear. All of these reveal God’s promises.  

The Lord your God LOVES you. Deuteronomy 23:5

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11  

God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; He does great things beyond our understanding.  Job 37:5

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.  Isaiah 49:16

The Lord your God will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.  Isaiah 33:6

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.  Psalm 27:14

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in LOVE, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the LOVE of Christ for you.  Ephesians 3:18
 

God’s promises aren’t just for some of us.  They are for you.  They are for me.  They are for those without hope. 

I used to pass out judgment.  “He could get a job.”  “She’s probably an addict.”  And you know what? I am learning that God is the Ultimate Judge.  God judges based on truth.  I don’t get to be the judge of everybody else, because I don’t know the whole story.  He knows the whole story because He’s writing the story.  He knows that the man I pass judgment on just lost his job and can’t pay his bills.  He knows that the woman I notice hitchhiking has left everything to escape an abusive relationship, choosing to live on the streets rather than living in bondage another day.  

So, in an incredibly humbling way, God has forever changed my heart.  I no longer pass out judgment.  I pass out LOVE.  Jesus’ LOVE.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35

PART 2: A Changed Heart

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)

Over the past six months, through more conversations in front of the LOVE’S Truck Stop, God has softened my heart. He is revealing to me that the men and women who carry all they own on their backs day in and day out, are made in His image. If I am made in God’s image and they are too, then we are not really all that different…. I just have more stuff. Proverbs 22:2 says, “Rich and poor have this is common: The Lord is the Maker of them all.” Ephesians 2:10 says, that “we are God’s masterpiece.” WE are God’s masterpiece….. ALL OF US, the homeless and the forgotten included.   For so long, I’ve been focused on their circumstance that I forgot to notice their humanity. And everything else we have in common.

As with many areas of my life, God has taken me to place I used to fear. And this LOVE’S has now become my opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I don’t need to drive to the city to make an impact or travel to another country to reach those who desperately need hope. I have the opportunity to bless someone and share the LOVE of Jesus every time I leave my house. 

So when God nudged me in the depths of my heart to do something more, I said, “Yes.” Not sure of what would be required of me, but excited to find out, I started relying less on what I had to offer and more on what He could offer through me. I started keeping blankets and bags of food in my car. I started rolling down the window and saying hello. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but I began looking these men and women in the eye. I asked, “What’s your name?” I started praying for them. I don’t know them, but God does. I don’t know what they need, but He does.

I realize that a blanket and a hot cup of coffee on a cold morning or water and bug spray in the heat of a Texas summer will not change the circumstances of someone who lives on the streets.  I will be honest... I've struggled with whether or not this is even worth it.  Most of the people I meet are looking for a ride out of town, which I cannot offer.  But every time I go to God with this doubt, He says the same thing:  "It's not your job to change their circumstances; it's mine."  And though a "Hello" and a smile seem like such small things, a single act of LOVE, no matter how small, can bring hope to someone who desperately needs it.  It also brings dignity and worth.  That is what I've been called to do. God's got the rest.

I have been hopeless and helpless at times in my life, and it is God’s LOVE that reaches down to me every time, and lifts my face and gives me hope. He meets me right where I am, even while I continue to mess things up. He is Mercy, and He is Grace. How can I not show LOVE to others, when God continually showers me with His mercy, grace and forgiveness, none of which I deserve?

We are all broken.  We all need Jesus to put us back together, to heal us, to redeem and restore us. Through His sacrifice on the cross, He demonstrated the ultimate act of LOVE.  John 3:16 says, "For God LOVED the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have eternal life."  He wants more than anything for us to be free in Him.  His LOVE is worth saying yes to, every single time.  Only Jesus can use something as ordinary as a truck stop to touch the hearts of those He LOVES.

He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed. 1 Peter 2:24 (NLT)

PART 1: A Second Chance

But Jonah got up and went the other direction to Tarshish, running away from God. Jonah 1:3 (MSG)

Lately God has put a burden on my heart. He has shown me in more than one way His commandment to “love the least of these.” As I was driving to the grocery store one morning in early November last year, I asked God to show me who I could bless that day. When we pray with the Jake and Lilly at night, Cody is always saying, “Help us to be a blessing to others.” So that was my prayer that morning. What I discovered is that God took my prayer seriously.

As I reached the grocery store, I parked and began the lengthy process of loading my kids into the ridiculously-large-and-incredibly-hard-to-steer-eighteen-wheeler of a grocery cart. Then I saw them… parked next to me. A young mother and her two boys. Barefoot on a chilly morning.

 My heart started pounding in my chest. Surely God wanted me to love on them. But, not sure of what to do or say, I turned and pushed my cart into the store and began my shopping. This is part of the conversation I had with God as I later encountered them one aisle over, going through the bins of expired, marked-down food:

 “Do you want me to go up and offer to buy her groceries, God? I guess I could do that, but they don’t even have a cart. Do you want me to give her some money, God? I don’t have any cash. I could get some when I check out. Surely this is the person you want me to help today, but I can’t just go up to her and start a conversation. And I have to think about my kids. We are almost done. I have about ten more items left. The kids are doing great, but we haven’t even gotten to the cracker aisle yet. You know they lose it every time on the cracker aisle. I tell you what, God. I will just quickly grab the rest of the items on my list and maybe she will be up near the register when I am ready to pay. I’ll offer to pay for her groceries or get some cash to give her. She’s parked right next to me, so that will work just fine.”

 So instead of walking straight towards her and her boys and doing what I know God was asking of me, I turned my cart the other way and took care of my needs. Instead of relying on Him to help me say whatever it was He wanted me to say, I instead focused on what I did not have: a cart full of groceries I could offer to pay for, cash in my wallet to give them, the faintest clue as to what to say to a mother who obviously lives a very different life than me. As I grabbed the last item on my list and walked towards the checkout, I caught a glimpse of her car backing out in the parking lot. It hit me then that I had lost my chance to bless this woman. I was so ashamed that I cried the whole way home. 

 I didn’t know what to say and I was afraid she’d reject my help, so I played it safe and avoided an obvious opportunity to bless a woman God placed in my path for a reason. The worst part about it was that I was so focused on how I wanted to help her… with my credit card or my cash… that I failed to notice her true need: shoes. She needed shoes, and I had shoes to give.  Then I would have become the barefoot mother walking through the store with my kids.

I was humbled that day and begged God to give me another chance. For almost a month, I prayed that He would let me have another shot at this. And because He is a God of compassion and grace, He did. Three and a half weeks after my encounter with the barefoot mother, God led me to Sarah. 

 I would love to say that I acted immediately after my painful lesson the previous month. But, no, I did not. I saw her on my way to run a couple of quick errands. I would have had to turn my car the other way to cross paths with her. I actually told God, “If she’s still there when I get back from running these errands, then I’ll stop.” I know. I’m sure He was saying, “Really? We’re back to this?” I did not want to turn around. It was inconvenient. But I did. I figured if God put her in my path, no matter how far off the path it was, it was for a reason. So I stopped.

 She was sitting by the side of the highway in front of the LOVE’S Truck Stop. In the past, fear had convinced me to avoid this place like the plague. But, confident that this was where God wanted me and trusting that He was with me, I got out. She was waiting for a ride, and appeared to be years older than she probably was. She was smoking a cigarette when I walked up to her and said hello. I apologized that I couldn’t offer her a ride, but asked if I could give her a blanket. Through tears, I managed to ask her name. It was awkward. I am sure she was wondering who this crazy girl was and why on earth she couldn’t seem to stop crying. Or maybe she got exactly what she needed through my simple obedience. I am learning that God is the only one who knows what each of us need. Who am I to question Him? He can use anyone or anything to deliver His love to His people. Even a humbled girl who has been given a second chance.

 God spoke to Jonah a second time. This time Jonah started off straight for Nineveh, obeying God's orders to the letter. Jonah 3:1,3 (MSG)

From Small To Big

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. Luke 16:10

Jake and Lilly love to help around the house. One of their favorite morning routines is helping empty the dishwasher. They are responsible for all the plastic dishes, sippy cups, tupperware, lids, etc. This morning I giggled when I looked up and saw this very long line of dishes that had been placed on the very edge of the counter.

My kids take this job very seriously and will stop whatever they are doing when they hear the dishwasher door open. They drop their toys, abandon their games, and come running to help.

As I watched them working together to get every last dish stacked up on the counter, I asked myself, "Do I do that? Do I abandon everything I am doing and cheerfully run towards God when He calls me to do something so simple?"

Right now, Jake and Lilly are trusted with plastic dishes that if dropped won’t break, but one day, I will trust them to help with dishes that are more fragile. If I ask my kids to help with the little things, before giving them greater responsibility, why wouldn’t God do the same thing with me since I am His child?

I wonder how many times I’ve missed out, because I thought what God was asking me to do was too little or too insignificant. I wonder how often I've dismissed His voice, just because I didn’t understand His purpose. Over and over again, I have forgotten that it’s in the little things that I can show my faithfulness to Him. That once I am trusted with small things, He will trust me with bigger things.

Ducks and Sheep

The ducks are back, and Jake and Lilly are thrilled that Henrietta has chosen our front yard as the place she will lay her eggs for the second year in a row. When we built our house four years ago, the neighbors talked about these Mallard ducks who came to lay their eggs in the ditch in front of our vacant lot every Spring. It makes sense, because just up the road is a large pond of water, a perfect spot for Momma Duck to lead her ducklings. We gave Henrietta her name years ago, long before Jake and Lilly were born, and every Spring she comes home. I just recently learned that a female Mallard is called a “hen,” which is perfect for our “Henrietta.”

Meet Henrietta

Lately, Henrietta has been waiting on our front doorstep, since Jake and Lilly like to go out and feed her each morning before breakfast. We don’t mind that she and her male companions hang around since they do such a good job of gobbling up all of the June bugs that congregate on our front porch. What we do mind is the sticky duck poop they leave on the sidewalk! Just this morning, I hollered at Henrietta through the window, “Please, please, please, whatever you do, don’t poop on my doormat!”

Make Way For Ducklings is a popular book at our house since ducks are clearly Jake and Lilly’s favorite of all animals. The mother in me, is glad I’m not a duck. In all seriousness, I am. Without any help from the Daddy duck, she cares for these 8-12 ducklings all by herself, and she alone is responsible for leading them to water for their first swimming lesson within days of hatching. I’ve often wondered, while reading my kids this sweet story about Mr. and Mrs. Mallard, how terrified Mrs. Mallard must have been as she attempted to lead her ducklings across the busy highway. I would be panicked that one of my ducklings would get out of line. I would be fearful that someone would snatch the duckling at the end without me knowing. It would take so much courage to be the one in front, trusting that all of them will just follow.

Last week, I read this verse that has nothing at all to do with ducks, but everything to do with being a Momma.

He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young. Isaiah 40:11 (NLT)

Sheep are mentioned over 500 times in the Bible, while ducks are not nearly as popular. Sheep were a part of the agricultural life when the Bible was penned, and they have been known to symbolize God’s people. Also, we cannot overlook that Jesus is the sacrificial Lamb of God, who willingly gave his life as a sacrifice for our sins. It makes sense that God would compare himself to a shepherd caring for his flock. Shepherding was a way of life for so many during that time. King David was perhaps the best known shepherd in the Bible. And shepherds were the first to see the newborn Baby Jesus.

I love the fact that lambs are born helpless. Unlike ducks, that are able to swim very soon after birth, lambs depend on their mothers, who in turn rely on their shepherd to make sure they get what they need, including food, water, and rest, especially while caring for their young. Maybe more than anything else, the word “gentle” appeals so much to me. “He gently leads the mother sheep.” This word communicates kindness, peace, and humility. I like the way this version reads:

He holds [the lambs] close, while their mothers walk beside him. (ERV)

If I had to choose, I would want to be a sheep instead of a duck. A Momma duck, like Mrs. Mallard and our very own Henrietta, is the only one leading her children. A Momma sheep, though, can rely on her shepherd to “gently” lead her when she needs to go. She knows his voice, and trusts him fully. He carries the lambs, for they are His, and she walks beside him. It is such a beautiful picture of what mothering is all about. I pray that I will have to courage to trust Him and follow His lead as He holds my children close to his heart. I am so glad He walks besides me along this journey called “Motherhood.”

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27 (NIV)