Gift Giving

This week I patted myself on the back.  I smiled to myself.  I applauded my awesome efforts in getting several people checked off my gift-giving list before the first of December.  I thought ahead, planned ahead, shopped ahead.  One less thing to worry about, I told myself.  And then, in the middle of my self-acclamation, I realized that this is not what gift-giving is all about.  I had been approaching it, as I do every year, as a list of things to get done.  Routine.  Meaningless.  Habitual.  How can it be that this is what giving at Christmas has become? 

Bothered by my own obliviousness, I sat down this morning and thought about why we give gifts at Christmas anyway.  Then I read about two different women who offered two completely different gifts to Jesus and what He had to say about them.

They Did What They Could

The first is about a poor widow, who gave everything she had:

⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. ⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”  Mark 12:41-44

This woman gave what she had, even though it might not be considered worthy by human standards.  But Jesus called her actions greater than the rest.  Clearly, this lesson was not about money but the spirit of surrendering everything, just as He gave everything for us.

I love how Jesus described the rich people as contributing ‘large amounts’ and compared it to her ‘two very small copper coins.’  I fall into the trap over and over when I think that the little things are insignificant.  Sometimes, I just want God to give me this really big task, and in the process, I miss out on the small one He’s given me to take care of.  To Jesus, this widow’s offering was HUGE, even though most of us would agree it seems pretty insignificant.  

Two chapters later, there is yet another woman, Mary, who anointed Jesus with expensive perfume:

³ While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head. ⁴ Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? ⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly. 

⁶ “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷ The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. ⁸ She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. ⁹ Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Mark 14:3-9

I don’t think it is coincidence that these two stories are so closely recorded in the gospel of Mark.  While the first deals with a woman who literally had nothing, the second is about a woman who is ridiculed and scolded for offering a gift that was very expensive, worth a year’s wages.  Though the circumstances vary, both women did what they could, and they acted on the urge in their hearts to honor Jesus with what they had.  When Mary was rebuked and her actions were called ‘a waste,’ Jesus called what she did ‘beautiful.’

These two stories about women who offered what they had to Jesus were such good reminders for me that Jesus values my heart status above all else.  That is where He determines great worth.  2 Corinthians 8:12 says, “For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has not according to what one does not have.”

Gifts of High Value  

When I think about gifts that I have received and value highly, two come to mind immediately.  Oddly enough, neither was a Christmas present. 

The first gift that I treasure is one my husband gave to me just last Mother’s Day.  He didn’t spend a penny on this gift.  In fact, there was no card, no wrapping, and it was perfect.  On a single sheet of paper, he had written me a letter.  Not just any letter.  He had put time into this letter.  The words on the page of that plain white sheet of paper represented his heart, open and honest.  It was appreciation and love and respect and affirmation and value.  His words were precious to me the day I read them and they have not lost their value with time.  Each time I pull it out and read it again, my eyes still fill with tears.

The second gift was given to me over eleven years ago, and I will never forget the day I received it.  My mom and I were shopping for my wedding veil.  I had purchased the dress a couple months before and was thrilled when I received a coupon at a bridal show for a headpiece.  I should have known when I needed an appointment that the coupon would not even make a dent in the price.  But, determined to have an elegant wedding on a budget, I made the call and booked a time.

It was a beautiful place.  A very, very fancy place.  A place with no price tags. 

We looked around and I tried a few on.  Then, I fell in love with a scalloped veil with Austrian crystals scattered and sewn throughout it and a simple, yet stunning tiara.  After everyone in the small shop confirmed that I looked breathtaking, I quietly asked the woman helping us how much the two would cost. 

When she told me the price, my initial concern was confirmed.  It was way out of our price range.  In fact, it far exceeded the cost of my wedding dress.  And I’m quite certain that the coupon did not even cover the tax on these two items.

As I opened my mouth to tell the sweet woman there was no way we could afford this beautiful-yet-ridiculously-overpriced headpiece, my mom finished my sentence with, “We’ll take it.” 

I spun around and stared at my mom, who had been sitting quietly in the corner, and mouthed a confused, “What?!?!” 

She nodded, and then asked the sales lady if we could have a moment.  When it was just us, she asked me, “Well, do you love it?” 

I replied, “Yes, of course, but, Mom, I can’t let you spend that much on this.” 

She looked me square in the eyes and said, “But I want you to have it.” 

There is no telling how long it took my mom to pay off that veil and tiara.  She sent what money she could every month until it was paid for.  We both managed to keep this little secret from my dad for over ten years.  We confessed this story over Thanksgiving weekend, and I could tell he was a bit bummed that he was kept in the dark.  He summed it up well, though, when he said, “That is such a good story.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Years later, now that I’m a mom, I realize that it had nothing to do with money.  My mom understood the way I would feel.  The tiara and veil were not valuable to me; I only wore them once.  It was my mom’s sacrifice that revealed how much she valued me, not the pretty thing on my head.   It wasn’t the sparkly jewels or elegant lace that I remember all these years later; it was the look on my mom’s face when she said, “I know we can’t afford it, but I want you to have it.”  As long as I live, I will never forget that feeling. 

As I made the obvious connection between these two gifts I’ve received and the two stories in Mark, I wondered why they were both so special to me.  One literally cost nothing monetarily.  The other could quite possibly be considered a “waste” to spend an absurd amount of money on something I wore for a few hours.  But to me, both are priceless gifts.

I realized, though, what makes these two gifts stand out to me.  Even if I tried, there is no way I could reciprocate.  I couldn’t have gone out and spent the same amount of money on my mom and had it mean the same thing her gift meant to me.  And even if I grabbed a sheet of paper and scribbled out words from my heart to my husband, it would dim in comparison to his gift written sincerely, out of love. 

Christmas is a season of long lists of gifts to purchase, and I’m not sure about you, but everyone on my list is someone I’m expecting a gift from this year as well.  In fact, if I’m brutally honest, some people are on my list just because I know they’re going to get me something.  There’s all that pressure to get something as nice as the gift I think they might get me and the stress involved with spending enough but not too much,… it’s no wonder the meaning gets lost so easily.

Giving… Not Just Gifts

The Bible talks a lot about giving.  And sometimes it’s a physical gift or offering.  Other times it’s what can’t be seen.  It’s a giving that goes on inside our hearts.

Jesus says to give forgiveness.  And He’s pretty specific about it.

³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  ³⁷ …Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Luke 6:35, 37

I will admit I am forgiving…. once I know that the person who hurt me is really sorry.  I want them to acknowledge my hurt and feel horrible about it.  That’s usually when forgiveness rolls out of my heart.  But Jesus says give it even if it’s not requested.  Jesus says, “That person, you know, the one who is constantly offending you, insulting you, wounding you?  That’s who you should forgive.” 

Jesus talks about extending our time and service, too.  And, again, He points out that true giving is expecting nothing in return.

¹² Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. ¹³ But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, ¹⁴ and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”  Luke 14:12-14

So why is it that we get so wrapped up each year in this whole gift-giving thing?  Why do we exchange presents in the first place?  Most people know that the tradition of giving gifts originated from the gifts that were presented to Jesus by the three wise men who followed a star to the place where He was. Going back to this familiar story this week, I learned a few new things....

 The Origin of Christmas Presents

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Matthew 2:11

There are so many different theories about the meaning behind the three gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Some believe that these were very practical gifts- gold being, of course, the most valuable, frankincense used in fragrance or perfume, and myrrh used as anointing oil.  Some say that these gifts provided the family with the means to travel to Egypt to escape Herod.

I believe that every word in the Bible holds meaning and that the three gifts, which these kings traveled a long distance carrying, held great significance, as well.  Though they may have been very practical gifts, they were precious to Jesus.

Gold, a costly metal used in the Old Testament building of the ark of covenant, symbolizes a king.  But not just any king.  A King that will reign forever.  Gold is of such high value to man because it is beautiful, but also because it is enduring.  It will not rust, dissolve, or fade away.  In the same way, the Kingdom of God will never end.

Frankincense was used as a medicine.  In fact, it is said to be used in the treatment of arthritis.  While it seems odd to give a gift of this nature to a young boy, who probably did not suffer from arthritis pain, the fact that this substance was obtained by making a deep incision into the truck of a tree can be connected with Jesus’ future sacrifice through his death, on a tree.  Frankincense was also used in the Old Testament to make incense.  It is referred to in Exodus 30: 35 as “pure and sacred.”  In Hebrew, the root word used is laban, or white.  The same word is used in Isaiah 1:18: “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”  Isaiah 53:5 defines how this is so:  “By his wounds, we are healed.”

Myrrh was used in Egypt to embalm mummies.  Though it seems a strange gift to offer a child, the purpose of this gift might have been to foretell Jesus’ death and burial.  In the Old Testament, Moses was instructed by God to use myrrh to make anointing oil for the priests.  This gift points to Jesus as the ultimate High Priest, “the mediator of a new covenant” (Romans 9:15) for “we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all.” (Romans 10:10)

So these gifts were full of meaning and purpose, but the thing that caught my attention as I read this very familiar Christmas story was a few verses before we learn what gifts were given.  Matthew 2:1-2 says, “After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, ‘Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?  We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.’"

Though the wise men brought gifts to Jesus, this was not their primary purpose for traveling.  They came to worship Jesus.  The gifts they had loaded on their camels were secondary to what they had come to offer him out of their hearts.  God used these verses today to speak volumes to me in the midst of my holiday stress.  What did the wise men do?  They bowed down and worshiped their king.  Three kings worshiped the King.  And only after they offered him praise and glory did they pull out their presents. 

Heart Adjustment

This Christmas season, when I think about the gifts I’m giving, or even my time or service, I’m reminded that Jesus values the willingness in my heart, not the check marks next to the boxes on the list I’ve made for myself.  He wants me to focus on giving, not getting anything in return.  He wants me to focus on what is given out of my heart, not my bank account.  He wants me to do what I can with what I have, out of love for Him.  He is worthy of worship and praise.  He is what this season is all about.  There is a reason the wise men came to worship Jesus:  He was God’s gift to us. 

A gift that we can never ever, even if we try, reciprocate. 

A gift we do not deserve and we cannot earn. 

A gift given out of love. 

A gift that reveals how highly God values our relationship with Him.

A gift that cost everything.

A gift that means everything.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.  2 Corinthians 9:15