Thursday, July 3, 2014

Why I'm Never Getting Over This

I was watching Jake kick the soccer ball with his daddy when she brought it to me.
  A tiny orange flower.

For reasons I could not explain that day, it captured my undivided attention as I took in the beauty of something so small created with such care and love. Three days later the unexpected, jaw-dropping, heart-pounding, long awaited news of something so tiny and precious created by the One who gives good gifts instantly captured my heart.

The awe of this precious miracle has sat quietly for weeks now.

When the news had time to sink in just a bit more, we told the kids.  Lilly exclaimed one word that made us both chuckle out loud.  I told them, “There’s a baby in Mommy’s tummy,” and Lilly blurted out, “Already?!”

Oh child, if you only knew! If you only knew the journey we’ve been on the last eight years.  If you only knew how you living and breathing serves as my daily reminder of God’s faithfulness. If you only knew that those trees you and your brother play underneath are memorials that were planted while your Mommy’s heart was splitting in two.  If you only knew how terrified we were when God said He was going to grow our family. If you only knew what a roller coaster the last year has been when Mommy and Daddy took a step of faith and trusted God with our deepest fears. If you only knew that not that long ago it felt like God had shut the door forever and every night Mommy asked Jesus to give her acceptance and closure and make the emptiness go away. If you only knew that this wasn’t supposed to happen, that after eight long years we doubted it was even possible without doctors and medications and monitoring.  If you only knew how God has blown us all away with this miracle.


Yes, already.  I am already in love with this tiny life that’s not much bigger than that flower she placed in my hands that day. And every now and then when I’m all by myself, I let my mind rehearse all this and I let the tears just come pouring out of me.

I may be in love with this precious child growing inside of me, but I have never been so in love with the One who led me here. I will never get over this Love, this gift of Jesus knowing every crevice of my heart, this peace that is mine when He holds my hand and leads me through the scary parts of the journey.

 I will never get over this Love.

Lilly stretched her arms out real wide and asked, “Mommy, will your tummy get this big?” I showed her the book I made when she and Jake were squished in there together.  The next day when she blabbed, “There’s a baby in Mommy’s tummy,” I realized this news can no longer be a secret.

And it makes me smile big knowing it’s a story we've been given to share.

So, yes.  It’s true.  We are having a baby. This Christmas will be our last one as a family of four. God has done the impossible. He has reached into every doubt residing in my heart and overshadowed each one with His crazy beautiful love.

If you know our story, if you’ve prayed along the way, God has woven you into this masterpiece and made you a part of it. If you don’t know us or our story, I invite you to celebrate this miracle with us.  God wants us all to be reminded that He is able.

Now to him who is able 
to do immeasurably more 
than all we ask or imagine, 
according to his power 
that is at work within us,   
to him be glory 
in the church and in Christ Jesus 
throughout all generations, 
forever and ever! 
Ephesians 3:20-21

Believe Him for the impossible in your life. He is able.

No comments:

Post a Comment