Fire

And anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean.  Numbers 31:23 (NIV)

When they said the cancer was back, all I could think was, This can’t be true!  My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago.  That summer, my mom and I took a trip up north to have a girls’ week.  Instead of shopping and care-free girl talk, our time was filled with doctor appointments, weighty decisions, wig shopping, and lots of tears.  You have to know this about my aunt:  she is one tough cookie.  Years ago when a man stole her purse, she ran down the streets of New York City in her high heels… and caught him!  But that “c word” came out of the blue and threatened to steal more than her bag.  

After the surgery, the chemo and the radiation, it seemed as if it was a distant struggle; one that God would surely not ask her to walk through again.  Surely not.  New hair grew in beautifully, and that is not all that grew.  Her faith was stretched and strengthened like never before.  So God would surely not ask her to do it all over again.  Surely not.

I’ve learned that God will always answer the questions we take to Him.  Often it’s not the answer we want to hear, but answer He does.  So in the few short weeks it’s been, I’ve asked Him over and over again,  Why the same trial?  It’s not only my aunt that is facing a similar struggle.  All around me, I see this happening- even in my own life. 

After weeks of asking and praying and seeking and a whole lot more listening than I am usually capable of, I think I have some clarity.  Answers, no.  Clarity, yes.  Complete understanding, no.  Peace, yes. 

And it all has to do with fire. 

Numbers 31:23 says, “And anything else that can withstand fire must be put through the fire, and then it will be clean.”  If God calls us into a fire, it is only because He knows we can endure it.  Three men, whose story of courage and faith is beautifully scripted in the book of Daniel, knew all about being called into a fire. (See Daniel 3)  When Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, three Jews who worshipped the living God, found themselves tied up and thrown into the flames, they also found God Himself, walking around in the flames with them.   

God is actually referred to as the God who answers by fire, the one true God. (See 1 Kings 18:24)  God used a burning bush, a pillar of fire, and was found in the flame on the altar.  God knows that the fire is not to be feared, because He is in the fire. What God sees that we often cannot is that we do eventually come out of the fire.  And we are changed.

This verse not only speaks of that which can survive the fire, but it also explains what will happen to it as it emerges from the flames: “Then it will be clean.”  Other translations use the word “pure.”  The process of refining gold is one I know nothing about, but upon looking at the meaning of the word “refine,” I get a tiny glimpse of God’s hand at work.  Refine means “to bring to a fine or a pure state; make elegant; to become more fine, elegant, polished; freed from impurity.”(1) 

The only thing the fire burned all those years ago was the rope that bound the three Hebrew men.  The fire worked to free them and remove everything that held them captive.  When they walked out of the flames, nothing was burnt- not their clothes, not their shoes, not even their hair smelled of smoke.  The people who witnessed this did more than scratch their heads and say, “Well, look at that!”  This single courageous act brought an entire people to know the living God.

God only brings us into the flames so that He can refine us and then bring us out more beautiful, able to attract others to Him.  Purity, though, is a process. The refiner is the only one who can tell when the gold is ready to come out of the fire.  He waits and waits until He can look into the hot liquid and see His own reflection.(2) Refining is the process of “converting raw material into products of value.” (3) If God asks us to follow Him into the flames, it’s only because He knows we can endure it with His strength.  If God asks us to walk back into the fire, it’s only because He sees the finished product- shiny, pure, elegant, and reflecting His image.

These [trials] have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  1 Peter 1:7 (NIV)

For everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice will be seasoned with salt.  Mark 9:49 (NKJV)

 

  

1.“refine.”  Dictionary.com Unabridged.  Random House, Inc.  07 Aug 2013. 

2. Guzik, David. “Study Guide on Numbers 31.”  Enduring Word. Blue Letter Bible. 07 Aug 2013.

3.“refinery.”  Wikipedia:  The Free Encyclopedia.  Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., 07 Aug 2013. 

Which Way is the Right Way to Eat a Lollipop?

Jake and Lilly turn three today, and I couldn't be more thrilled that God picked me to be their Momma.  There are times when I think He’s confused me with some other woman much more qualified and suited for this job, but at the end of the day, I’m so thankful it’s me. 

These two are about as different as night and day.  Recently, someone asked me what I meant by that.  I’m pretty sure these pictures explain it all.  My great big kind-hearted, generous, rule-following, strong-willed, sweet-as-sugar boy takes a rather different approach to eating a lollipop than his witty, fun-loving, think-outside-the-box, play-outside-the-box, live-outside-the-box, affectionate, dramatic and creative sister.  

He bites, sinking his tiny teeth into the sugary goodness, causing cracks and crunches that quite honestly make my own teeth ache.  After a moderate amount of chomping, he hands it back and says, “I’m done.”

She takes her sweet-Miss Daisy-time, licking in slow motion and tossing in a dramatic “Mmmmmmm” here and there for theatrical effect.  She will never, ever hand it back. Never.

Sometimes, if not for the fact that they look so much alike, I could be swayed to believe that they have nothing genetically in common.  Lilly eats just about anything we put in front of her and most nights her plate holds as much as mine does.  He eats cheese, crackers, chicken, and hot dogs.  Seriously, that’s it.  No fruit.  No veggies.  Not even a little ketchup for his hot dog or chicken.  Each time I put some new food on his plate, he quickly takes it off and politely hands it to his sister, who will most assuredly consume all of it right after expressing a sweet “Thank you, Jake” back across the table.

He naps.  She doesn’t. 

She swims at the pool.  He splashes at the pool.

I could go on and on. 

One quick glance at these two reminds me that God makes each of us so incredibly unique.  They might share a birthday, but He could not have created two more different little people than Jake and Lilly.  I absolutely love that they are so perfectly different... in a million and one ways. 

Happy Birthday to my two stink bugs!  You have brought so much color into my life!  I love you to the moon and back! Love, Momma

Cherry Sours and Forgiveness

The bowl was full.  Great big shiny balls of sour goodness, not only in cherry red, but in bright blue and glowing white, too.  This was the treasured stash that children who went potty by themselves ran to for an instant sugar high. Until the day Momma was running late.  When Lilly walked around the corner and saw me dumping out those precious cherry sours into a plastic bag, she hit the floor with a dramatic crescendo. 

I tried to plan ahead and think ahead, but apparently my head never received those messages that day.  It was the day of Jake and Lilly’s last swim lesson and I wanted to get their patient teacher a little something to say thank you after two weeks of hard work and teaching a couple of  nearly three year olds that it was alright if water got up their noses and the how to float on their backs.  I planned to run to the store that morning before their lesson to get him some of their favorite cherry sours.  Realizing though, that I had no time to run to the store, I decided to give him our cherry sours and pick up some more for us later.  Lilly was not OK with this plan.

I quickly decided it was a good lesson on giving and gently explained to her that we were sharing with her teacher.  I told her how special it is to give what’s most precious to us.  I remember a lot of tears, a lot of drama, and a whole lot of ‘no’s.  Eventually, she wiped her tears and I handed her the bag of red, white and blue cherry sours to deliver to her teacher.  I had visions of her not letting go of the bag once we got there, but after her lesson, she handed him the bright colored bag of sweets with no fuss.

Jesus has been working with me on giving out of what I have; not necessarily my children’s candy, but things that He’s given me that I have in my possession for the sole reason of giving them away.  Like my time.  Or words spoken to someone else’s heart to encourage them.  Stuff like forgiveness.  Apologies when I’m wrong.  Yet, if I’m honest, I’m a whole lot like my daughter who grips these things so tightly like I’m entitled to keep every last one of them for myself. 

Twenty-two years ago I met my best friend.  I was the new kid who had just moved to the States from East Africa and I was definitely not the cool kid.  I met my friend at church and she was stuck with me because we were the only two girls in our Sunday school class.  There were lots and lots of boys and me and her.  When we ended up in the same class at school, instantly a friendship was born. 

We were inseparable all the way through high school and were roommates our first year of college.  Something happened that year, though.  Neither of us could quite put our finger on it, but it was a slow and gradual tear in our relationship.  Like someone had taken that photograph of two young smiling girls and ripped the two halves apart.  She moved out.  I moved on, without really even acting like I cared.  We quit speaking, but only after hurtful words were exchanged. 

A couple years would go by and one of us would reach out to the other, yet neither of us would be willing to give what was necessary to heal the severed relationship-an apology and some forgiveness.  Twelve more years would go by and our lives would slowly begin to look drastically different than those days of passing notes in English and washing cars to raise money in the summer.  We would marry our husbands and not attend each other’s weddings.  We would pretend that it didn’t bother us that a gaping hole was left in each of our hearts as we wondered what the other was doing and how life was treating her.  When family or friends would ask, “What happened,” neither of us could muster up a response.  And slowly, my best friend faded out of my life entirely.

Fast forward to 2013, where God has done quite a bit of work on my heart, massive amounts of healing, and so much growth, I’m quite certain I am not even the same person anymore.  I felt God urging me to reach out to my friend who I had not spoken to for the past fourteen years.  One morning in particular, she was on my heart.  I was away from my kids getting a massage they had given to me as a Mother’s Day gift.  For the entire duration of those thirty minutes of relaxation, my friend was on my mind.  Taking advantage of a half an hour of silence, I began petitioning to God. I reminded Him of how I had been hurt.  I brought up the fact that it had been well over a decade, so it couldn't possibly make any difference now.  I told Him that even if I did reach out to her, I had no idea what to say.  And then, in the stillness of my heart that I've come to recognize as His voice, I sensed these three simple words:  “Say you’re sorry.” 

I knew what Jesus was asking of me.  He was asking me to reach deep down into my heart and pull out an apology and with it, some forgiveness.  As I reminded Him of my hurt, He reminded me that He has forgiven me.  I was a bit frustrated that He didn’t tell me what else to say, but as I continued this conversation with Him with soothing classical music playing softly in the background, I realized He didn’t care what I said, as long as I fit “I’m sorry” into it somehow. 

Since I did not have my friend’s email or phone number, my only option was Facebook. (Yes, I know.)  When I got home, I planned to sit down a write a message to her and I was praying that she would respond.  What Jesus knew that I didn’t was that He was talking to her about me in the exact same way…. at the exact same time.  As I pulled into the garage, my phone lit up, letting me know that I had a new message. 

When I read the honest words my friend had written, beginning with "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," the dam holding back my tears gave way instantly.  What Jesus knew that I didn’t was that He had been doing quite a bit of work in her life, massive amounts of healing in her heart, and just as much growth that she, too, was not the same person anymore.  He had asked her to reach deep down into her heart and pull out an apology along with some forgiveness, too.  What Jesus knew that I didn’t was that He didn’t have to give me the right words, because I could have copied her message to me and sent it right back to her- down to the very last detail.

Less than a month later, we met face to face in a little Starbucks four hours from my house.  For three hours we filled in the gaps and exchanged the story of transformation that God had scripted for our lives.  And sitting there with her, I wondered why it took us both so long to say, “I’m sorry.” 

On the day I asked Lilly to give away her cherry sours, I knew her Daddy was going to stop at the grocery store after work.  I knew that cherry sours (a brand new bag of them) was on his list.  When her Daddy walked in that evening and dumped a whole new supply of cherry sours into that glass bowl, her face broke out in a wide smile.  God does that with us, too, but on such a bigger scale and with a much more complex purpose. 

When I drove four hours to meet with my friend face to face, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I knew that God was asking me to go, even after I had given my apology and my forgiveness.  In that tiny little Starbucks, He filled up my candy bowl in the most amazing way.  But to leave it at that just so minimizes what He did for me and for this new friendship.

After hours of hearing about what Jesus had done in her heart and in her marriage, I realized that God didn’t just give me my friend back.  He didn’t just fill up my candy dish with the exact same thing I had before.  When I willingly gave Him what I had held onto for so many years, He gave me something I had never had before.  He gave me a completely new friendship, a better one than I had when I was eleven years old or even seventeen years old.  It is better and more beautiful and more solid and more precious because there is so much more of Jesus in it now.  I love our story, because God gets all of the glory from it.  But, it is not the only story out there.  This is just what Jesus does when we give out of what He gave.  I was so afraid that giving forgiveness would somehow cost me, but Jesus knew it was needed so that He could drop this amazing blessing into my life. 

When Lilly’s Daddy dumped a huge pile of sweetness into her bowl, her heart was instantly filled with joy.  I bet she didn’t even remember those few she gave away that morning.  When my heavenly Father presented me with a beautifully transformed friendship that paled in comparison to the old one, I too, was filled with joy.  Overwhelming Joy.  Overflowing Joy.  Undeserved Joy.  Abundant Joy.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10