Creepy Crawlies

In the past two weeks, I have discovered that my dare-devil-daughter is afraid of something.  It actually relieves me that I can no longer call Lilly “fearless.”  A little fear is a good thing, right?  Caution is maybe a better word.  I would never wish fear on my child, but a little caution on her part would do wonders to clear up some fears on my end!

Last week was one of those in-and-out-of-the-house kind of weeks.  The kind that involves lots of shouting, "Close that door!" and yelling, "Come in or stay out!"  The kind of week where we kiss bundles of cash away as the air-conditioning we pay good money for gets sucked out into the hot, sticky air that is Texas Summer. It was the kind of week that demanded I get out my beloved fly swatter.  I am usually a pretty good aim and a fly’s worst nightmare, but there was this fly in our kitchen for four days straight that would not die!  I must have hit it at least five times, but it was a determined little bug!

This fly-that-would-not-die never failed to come around buzzing during lunch time, especially interested in the fruit heaped onto Lilly’s plate.  (I really don’t want to get into the fact that Jake still will not eat fruit. Another post for another day!)  I turned around one day to wash some dishes at the kitchen sink and all of a sudden, I heard blood-curdling screams coming from my teeny, tiny daughter.  I cannot tell you the panic that shot through my spine as I dropped the plate I was scrubbing and ran over to her in her highchair.  I knew she was safe where she was sitting and that none of the food I had given her could have burnt her tongue, so I was terrified to find out what caused her piercing shrills. 

When I saw that pesky little fly perched on the edge of her tray, I nearly lost it!  She was shrinking back in her chair, both hands covering eyes, as if she couldn’t bear to look at the monstrous thing!  Jake sat calmly next to her and yelled in an authoritative tone, “Shoo! Shoo!”  Then he got his little finger going back and forth, telling that fly, “No-No! No-No!”  I was in tears! 

This would happen every day at lunchtime for the next few days.  Each time the fly showed up, Lilly would sit there, hiding and screaming at the top of her tiny lungs!  I shared this story with my mother-in-law over breakfast last Saturday.  We were both laughing hysterically at our brave little Lilly getting all worked up over a fly.  Of all things, a fly!

This week that story is still fresh on my mind.  Maybe it's because I've had my own shrieking moments, too.  When my husband was urgently summoned to retrieve a gecko from behind the bathroom trashcan, I jumped up onto the ledge of the bathtub, just in case he was looking for a foot to crawl over.  Another one darted across the living room and disappeared into the TV cabinet, which I swore I would never open again.  As I sit here typing this post, I am very conscious that there is yet another gecko somewhere underneath the desk where I am sitting.  Which is why I put on my tennis shoes at 11:00 p.m!  I know that geckos are harmless, but they scare me just as much as flies scare my daughter.  Apparently.

But there are other "creepy crawlies" that make me shrink back, cover my eyes and make me feel completely defeated.   Pesky things like insecurity, disappointment, and doubt.  These are the things that creep their way into my heart and cause all kinds of trouble.  Doubt is the “creepy crawly” that gives me the most grief day to day.  Some days, it takes me a while to figure out that it is the sole culprit for my less than cheerful mood.  When I step back and realize what I’m dealing with, the source of all the questioning and second guessing going on in my mind leads me to the same place almost every time: Doubt.

When I open my Bible, it is such a relief to find out that I am not the only one who fights a daily battle against doubt.  Here are just a few:

Jesus tells Peter to walk on the water:  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:30-32 ESV)

A storm comes up on the lake while Jesus is sleeping:  And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.”  And he said to them, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. (Matthew 8:25-26 ESV)

The disciples miss the warning and confuse the message: And they began discussing it among themselves, saying, “We brought no bread.” But Jesus, aware of this, said, "O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive? Do you not remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? How is it that you fail to understand that I did not speak about bread? Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” (Matthew 16:7-9, 11 ESV)

Jesus, risen from the dead, appears to the disciples: And he said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me, and see. (Luke 24:38-39 ESV)

Doubt comes disguised as a lot of different things: questions I entertain even though I know the answers, thoughts that get muddled with reasoning, distractions that take my eyes off Jesus.  In each one of these stories, Jesus points out the disciples’ lack of faith, then immediately turns their attention back on Him. 

The wind ceased, and those in the boat worshiped Jesus.

Jesus rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.

Jesus says, “Do you not remember what I did?”

Jesus shows them his hands and feet saying, “Touch me, and see.”

Doubt is not unbelief; it’s a wavering in my faith, a forgetting who is in control.  After scouring my Bible for verses describing a steady and confident faith, this is what I discovered:  Faith alone comes from hearing through the Word of God (see Romans 10:17).   God filled every page of scripture with truths that my faith is built upon.  Those very words are also what build up my faith when I feel it start to falter. 

James does a pretty good job describing exactly how I feel on those days I let doubt creep in.  He says that “he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:6)  When I let the questions start covering up what I know to be true, it is exactly like being tossed around on the open sea.  Doubt, though it seems like such a harmless little thing, can turn into a storm that is out of control in a hurry.  But that’s when I need my Jesus to show up and calm the storm I’ve created and remind me that I am His.  If I am determined to keep doubt from creeping its way into my mind, I have to recognize it when it comes around, and then bury my head in scripture, where the roots of my faith lie.
 
1 Corinthians 2:5 tells me that my faith should “not rest in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.”  There are times when I want to rush to my phone, pick it up and call for help, for advice, for an answer to a question rolling around in my head.  God calls us to encourage each other in our faith, but I know that God wants me to run to Him first.  He is where my faith rests.  The King James Version uses the word “stand” instead of rest.  I love the idea of standing and resting simultaneously.  When I rest in His power, He gives me the strength I need to stand in confidence, determined and unafraid.

Though I did not catch the priceless face Lilly made the first time that fly stared her down, the next time we spotted that fly, I was ready with camera in hand.

God does not want me to walk around with a face like this when the “creepy crawlies” of life invade my space.  He doesn't want me to shrink back, covering my face in defeat.  Instead, He wants me to start each day with confidence in His power, trusting that He is always in control, focusing on what He says about me in His word.  He wants me to clothe myself with dignity and strength (see Proverbs 31:25), and reveal a face that beams with beauty, certainty, and assurance. Just like this….