Messy Closets

I had a chance to visit with Cody’s mom this weekend, and I got to see her new pantry shelves that are this organizational queen’s dream come true!  I sat down with a sigh next to her on the couch and started talking about my pantry and how it looked nothing like hers.  In place of labeled jars of flour and sugar are haphazardly strewn Ziploc bags full of stuff I’m sure expired four years ago.  Her pantry was glorious, absolutely glorious!  Every single item could be easily found in a matter of a few short seconds.  My eyes scanned the rows of perfectly lined up boxes and canisters; I marveled at the spices and fully expected the cans of food to be in alphabetical order.  If you opened the door to my pantry, you’d have to roll up your sleeves before you could ever start searching.  It’s quite honestly a mess! 

“And the thing that bugs me most is that I used to be organized!” I said to my mother-in-law, jokingly.  “How does that happen?”

Just about that time Jake and Lilly came tearing around the corner.  Oh yeah, that’s how, I thought.

This morning I woke to two sick kids, one of whom was extremely cranky.  We won’t name names here but the girl was laying the whining on pretty thick at six o’clock am.  I knew I was about to need an extra dose of strength and patience this morning, so before I even finished my not-quite-strong-enough coffee, I started making my requests known:

Jesus, please give me enough strength to be a good mom today, because I feel like I might struggle with that.

Jesus, please give me enough strength to not allow the constant whining to chip away at me and cause me to make poor choices a good mom would never make.

Jesus, please give me enough strength to not lose it completely today.

I knew I was starting this day already behind.  I knew that I couldn’t face it alone.  In between suctioning snotty noses, taking temperatures, and making doctor appointments, I tried to locate my stash of old magazines, determined to find an article I remember reading several months ago.  I looked in the hall closet and was horrified at all the stuff I had crammed in there over the past couple of years.  Next, I checked the cabinets underneath the TV in the living room.  When books piled dangerously high threatened to topple over on me, I slammed the cabinet door in frustration, calling off my search.  Not only was my pantry a disaster, but apparently my closets and cabinets were no better.  

Right about then, I heard a whispering in my soul that said, You have what you need for today.  

I sometimes wonder why Jesus taught us to request our “daily bread” instead of a weekly supply.  How inconvenient it would be to run to the grocery store every day to get what I needed for that day alone! When I take two toddlers to the grocery store, we stock up on as many items as possible in order to prevent unnecessary return trips!  But, clearly, Jesus was not talking about food. 

He was referring to our daily provisions, including the strength I so desperately needed this morning to do what today required of me: caring for two sick little ones.  Organizing and cleaning out closets was not on my to-do list today, but I let it torment me for half the morning.

Cody often reminds me of my flaws… why is it that husbands get to do that?  He always tells me I’m an all-or-nothing girl. It’s true.  I am.  Instead of looking around and accepting that my life is so full of purpose in loving my precious children, whether they are sick or well, whiny or obedient, I get stuck when I buy into the lies that say,  

If my closets are a mess, then I must be a mess, too.  

If this one little part of my life starts to spin out of control, then the whole thing's bound to come crashing down on me!

To be honest, my life is a bit messy right now.  It is chock full of runaway Cheerios, misplaced keys, and soured milk that didn’t make it back to the fridge in time.  But I found my confidence inside Psalm 84 this morning: 

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.

They go from strength to strength, til each appears before God in Zion.

(Psalm 84:5,7 NIV)

God never promises that every day will be easy.  Sometimes, I'd like to know why not.  Sometimes I pray really, really hard for a day that is absolutely perfect.  I pray that I would be a flawless mother with no bags under her eyes or wrinkles on her face, who never, ever raises her voice or gets overwhelmed, who has tidy closets and cooperative children who never, ever look me in the eye and defiantly shout, “No!” 

Every time I pray that prayer, He reminds me that those days don’t exist here on this earth.  He also helps me remember that no matter what I face each day, He wants me to be completely, utterly dependent upon His strength, not my own. And with Him, I will go from strength to strength, tackling each day, one at a time.  God does not promise to give us our weekly allotment of strength, but instead, He renews us and provides us with exactly what we'll need to face the day before us.  

And the strength He gives will always be enough for whatever today holds. 

At nap time, still bothered slightly by my closet conundrum, I crashed on the couch for some time with my nose in my new book, Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued. As if God wanted to make sure to drive this point home, low and behold, right there on the fifth page or so were these precious words that I let wash all over me:

“A messy closet does not make me a mess.  It makes me a child of God who has a messy closet.”

He never intended for me to deal with closets today.  This day was about caring for my kids and appreciating the stage of life I’m in right now, even if at times I struggle just to keep my head above water.  And when the day comes for me to clean out all of the closets in this house, I know He will give me all the strength I need to tackle each of them, one at a time.  Today happened to not be that day.