Replace With:

I have always had a lot of respect for my mom. I have never wondered if she loves me... I have always known. She tells me often, and she shows me in lots of different ways. Now that I am a mom, I admire her so much more. I waited years to become a mother, convinced it would be the most wonderful experience in the world,… and it is. Yet is the toughest job on the planet. I had no idea that every single decision I would make regarding my kids would be judged or critiqued. Funny how no one tells you that at your baby shower! They just buy you all those cute little baby shoes, and fail to mention that there will be times that you feel like the worst mother in the world! I am a people pleaser. Always have been. I’ll just tell it like it is. I want to keep everybody happy. I want people I know and those I don’t to think highly of me. I have a desire to be well thought of. And in the midst of poopy diapers and screaming children, that desire has intensified. It has turned into a need to be affirmed in the hard work that comes with being a mom.

It has been a struggle for me to understand why complete strangers feel it is appropriate to walk up to me in the grocery store, at the park, or at church and give me advice on parenting, (or really to point out what I am doing wrong.) I was speechless when the lady sitting behind us at the restaurant turned around and told me that my child had ruined her meal. When both the nurse and the pediatrician told me how well behaved my two kids were at their eighteen-month well visit, I instead decided to focus on the negative comment the doctor made about how terrible it was that I allowed my children (one of whom was on the brink of a massive tantrum) to eat their snacks in the doctor’s office.

It is so easy to focus on the negative things people say, whether their motives are to help us, whether they are just having a bad day and taking something totally unrelated out on us, or whatever the reason may be. It is so much harder (for reasons I do not and will not ever understand) to focus on the positive truths that people speak into our lives. As a mom, I get the chance to speak truth and love into each of my kids’ lives every single day. There will be people in their lives that say and do things that crush their little souls. My job is to fill them with enough “good stuff” so that when hurtful words are thrust their way, they can dig out something else to hold on to instead.

This week my mom sent me this text:

Just wanted to tell u how much I love u and how proud I am of u I hope that u have always known how wonderful I think u r for all the times I have thought about what an exceptional woman u r and didn't tell u I wanted to tell u now

She sent a text to each of my brothers, my sister-in-law and my husband as well. She is a mom who understands how important it is to speak truth and love into her kids’ lives. She has always done this. I can remember coming home crying in elementary school when I was the new kid and had a very tough time fitting in with my classmates. My parents were missionaries and our family lived in Nairobi, Kenya for four years. We moved back to the States when I was 10. When the kids in my class called me names like ”Zebra Woman,” and made fun of me because I was different, my mom reminded me how blessed I was to have the experience of living in Africa. She reminded me how many people we were able to help by living there. She pointed out that those kids just didn’t understand. Even at 31 with two kids of my own, my mom still encourages me. I think it’s funny how she is still the first person I call when I am having a bad day. That’s just part of being a mom, I guess.

It’s January. The month for New Year’s Resolutions. Some I know I will keep; some will be good intentions that only last until the end of the month. This morning, I’m adding a new one to my list. It’s called “Replace With:” When I hear unkind words, I will replace those words with words like these from my mom. Instead of replaying the hurtful things over and over in my mind, I will choose to hear the “good stuff,” and accept the fact that I am not perfect; that not everybody will always like me; that I don't need others' approval for every decision I make. I will do my best to make sure my own kids have enough “good stuff” in them to face the world one day. Though it is not as easy and as straightforward, it reminds me of the helpful feature that my computer offers. With a couple strokes of the keys, I am able to find any word or phrase on my screen and replace it with a new word or phrase. For every negative or hurtful word spoken toward me, I will replace with:

Just wanted to tell u how much I love u and how proud I am of u I hope that u have always known how wonderful I think u r for all the times I have thought about what an exceptional woman u r and didn't tell u I wanted to tell u now

Proverbs 12:18 says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Words can either build someone up or tear someone down. Words have the power to change us.

Breakfast with a Monster

One of the joys of having twins is witnessing the development of two totally different children… at the exact same time. As they grow, their little personalities start to emerge, and we get tiny glimpses of who they are becoming. I am fascinated by the obvious distinction between boy and girl development. Jake and Lilly sometimes have very different ideas for how a certain toy is to be used. For example, the other morning Lilly decided to have breakfast with Tickle Monster. She carefully set the table with two plates, a plastic cup of orange juice, a very realistic-looking fried egg, a banana and one strawberry. She sat down in the chair next to Tickle Monster, and she very politely gave him a sip of her orange juice and shoved a banana in his mouth. The two of them were enjoying a lovely breakfast when Jake discovered the neatly set table and decided that the plastic plates looked more like hockey pucks than serving pieces. In one fatal swoop, everything was flung off the table! Then, like any other boy his age, he began chunking the plastic plates across the room, grinning as they slid along the wood floor. Poor Lilly was devastated! She sobbed as if Jake had ripped her heart out, then after about five minutes, she wiped her tears and patiently picked up every single plate, cup and morsel of food her brother had so efficiently “cleared” off the table.

Eleven Blessings

As we look forward to another new year, I can’t help but look back at the blessings that 2011 has brought. There is so much to be thankful for, but I am sharing eleven blessings of mine.

11. Healthy kids, healthy parents... something I hope I never take for granted.

10. Two toddlers who are becoming more and more independent with each passing day. (Most days this is a blessing!!)

9. Eight hours of sleep at night! No need for explanation here.

8. The reestablishment of Friday date nights! This used to mean dinner and a movie or a trip to our favorite wine bar. These days, I am happy to settle for a Red Box rental and a big bowl of popcorn!

7. A brand new cousin for Jake and Lilly! What a blessing it is to watch our family grow!

6. Friends. I cherish all of my friendships. I love that I have friends I get to see every week who are going through the exact same phase of life as I am. I enjoy catching up with the friends I don’t see every week but wish I did. I would be lost without my older friends who have raised kids and love to share their wisdom with me. I miss my dear friend who moved to another state, but I am so glad that she is always just a phone call away.

5. Another year at home with my kids. The first year I stayed at home was sort of a no-brainer. The cost for childcare for two infants would have been equivalent to my teaching salary. The second year has been a bonus! We are so blessed that God provided such an awesome opportunity for Cody to grow in his new business, and allow me to experience the joy of watching Jake and Lilly grow and learn more about this world every day. I am so proud of Cody’s leadership not only at work but also at home. Proud, yes. Surprised, no. I knew when I met him twelve years ago that he would be a very involved and very loving Daddy. In our house, 5:00 (when Daddy walks through the door) is a sweet, sweet time!!

4. A whole year of firsts. First teeth. First birthday. First plane ride, carousel ride, Ferris wheel ride, train ride, golf cart ride, swing ride, and wagon ride. First “big people” meal. (Jake’s still perfecting that one!) First Music class. First sleepover at Grammy and Pop’s house. First Valentine’s Day. First Easter egg hunt. First Mother's Day. First Father's Day. First Fourth of July celebration. First steps. First colds. And many, many more firsts to come!

3. A marriage that takes a ton of hard work but is so worth every ounce of effort. I can’t say that our marriage has not been affected by having two babies enter our lives a year and a half ago. I would be lying if I said that we never argue or disagree. We are both first-borns, so the fact that we butt heads from time to time is just a given. Throw two kids into the mix and you’ve got a million different things to debate. I would say the hardest thing for me has been the realization that two little people are now very conscious of the discourse that bounces back and forth from Mommy to Daddy and vice versa. Our kids have brought so much energy and joy to our family, but they have also forced us to compromise, to communicate more clearly, and to put each other first. I want my kids to know that Mommy and Daddy love them, but I think it is just as important for them to know that Mommy and Daddy love each other.

2. Family. We are so fortunate to have close relationships with our parents and siblings. This year we were able to reconnect with family members that live miles and miles away. We look forward to many more visits in 2012!

1. My salvation. Life is just too hard and too messy to live without Jesus.

We wish all of you many blessings in 2012!

Christmas in Cat Spring

Our Christmas in Cat Spring was a boisterous one! With four kids unwrapping gifts with simultaneous speed and gusto, there were times that I felt like I was moving in slow motion. That must be what it’s like to get old…. Everyone else who’s younger moves so incredibly fast that you swear you’re not moving at all!

The kids always have fun spending the night at Grammy and Pop’s house! Next year, there will be one more kid on Christmas! Kandis and Ryan added Kate Anne to their family yesterday! We are so proud to have a new little niece!

Pictures of the Christmas festivities coming soon......

An Eventful December

This month has been a busy one! We always love spending time with family during the holidays and this year we had my aunt from New Jersey come visit for a week in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We had so much fun when she was here, and I know the kids hated to see her leave.

Here are a couple pictures of Lilly with Aunt Debbie.

And here is Jake…. being Jake! No one but Daddy can hold him or give him loving!!

On our trip to the zoo, we pet every single animal in the Children’s Petting Zoo. My camera ran out of batteries, but I did manage to get a few of the kids with the goats.

We rode the carousel and found out that Lilly has a hard time moving on once the carousel stops. She threw such a loud temper tantrum, (the kind that involves kicking, screaming, and real tears) that I thought the poor old man running the ride was going to let us ride again for free! The same thing happened when we rode the carousel at the mall two days later. However, the wise lady running that particular carousel offered each kid a pony stamp as they left the ride. Lilly bought it hook, line, and sinker!

The following week Cody had a day off so we took Jake and Lilly to the Aquarium downtown. After touring the one in Grapevine last month, they were in their element! We rode the train through the shark tank and went around and around on the Ferris wheel.

We even rode the carousel AFTER I made Cody promise he would take Lilly. To my surprise, she was a perfectly polite little girl, waving bye-bye to the pretty sea horse when the ride was over. Go figure!!!