Replace With:

I have always had a lot of respect for my mom. I have never wondered if she loves me... I have always known. She tells me often, and she shows me in lots of different ways. Now that I am a mom, I admire her so much more. I waited years to become a mother, convinced it would be the most wonderful experience in the world,… and it is. Yet is the toughest job on the planet. I had no idea that every single decision I would make regarding my kids would be judged or critiqued. Funny how no one tells you that at your baby shower! They just buy you all those cute little baby shoes, and fail to mention that there will be times that you feel like the worst mother in the world! I am a people pleaser. Always have been. I’ll just tell it like it is. I want to keep everybody happy. I want people I know and those I don’t to think highly of me. I have a desire to be well thought of. And in the midst of poopy diapers and screaming children, that desire has intensified. It has turned into a need to be affirmed in the hard work that comes with being a mom.

It has been a struggle for me to understand why complete strangers feel it is appropriate to walk up to me in the grocery store, at the park, or at church and give me advice on parenting, (or really to point out what I am doing wrong.) I was speechless when the lady sitting behind us at the restaurant turned around and told me that my child had ruined her meal. When both the nurse and the pediatrician told me how well behaved my two kids were at their eighteen-month well visit, I instead decided to focus on the negative comment the doctor made about how terrible it was that I allowed my children (one of whom was on the brink of a massive tantrum) to eat their snacks in the doctor’s office.

It is so easy to focus on the negative things people say, whether their motives are to help us, whether they are just having a bad day and taking something totally unrelated out on us, or whatever the reason may be. It is so much harder (for reasons I do not and will not ever understand) to focus on the positive truths that people speak into our lives. As a mom, I get the chance to speak truth and love into each of my kids’ lives every single day. There will be people in their lives that say and do things that crush their little souls. My job is to fill them with enough “good stuff” so that when hurtful words are thrust their way, they can dig out something else to hold on to instead.

This week my mom sent me this text:

Just wanted to tell u how much I love u and how proud I am of u I hope that u have always known how wonderful I think u r for all the times I have thought about what an exceptional woman u r and didn't tell u I wanted to tell u now

She sent a text to each of my brothers, my sister-in-law and my husband as well. She is a mom who understands how important it is to speak truth and love into her kids’ lives. She has always done this. I can remember coming home crying in elementary school when I was the new kid and had a very tough time fitting in with my classmates. My parents were missionaries and our family lived in Nairobi, Kenya for four years. We moved back to the States when I was 10. When the kids in my class called me names like ”Zebra Woman,” and made fun of me because I was different, my mom reminded me how blessed I was to have the experience of living in Africa. She reminded me how many people we were able to help by living there. She pointed out that those kids just didn’t understand. Even at 31 with two kids of my own, my mom still encourages me. I think it’s funny how she is still the first person I call when I am having a bad day. That’s just part of being a mom, I guess.

It’s January. The month for New Year’s Resolutions. Some I know I will keep; some will be good intentions that only last until the end of the month. This morning, I’m adding a new one to my list. It’s called “Replace With:” When I hear unkind words, I will replace those words with words like these from my mom. Instead of replaying the hurtful things over and over in my mind, I will choose to hear the “good stuff,” and accept the fact that I am not perfect; that not everybody will always like me; that I don't need others' approval for every decision I make. I will do my best to make sure my own kids have enough “good stuff” in them to face the world one day. Though it is not as easy and as straightforward, it reminds me of the helpful feature that my computer offers. With a couple strokes of the keys, I am able to find any word or phrase on my screen and replace it with a new word or phrase. For every negative or hurtful word spoken toward me, I will replace with:

Just wanted to tell u how much I love u and how proud I am of u I hope that u have always known how wonderful I think u r for all the times I have thought about what an exceptional woman u r and didn't tell u I wanted to tell u now

Proverbs 12:18 says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Words can either build someone up or tear someone down. Words have the power to change us.