Face To Face

I love looking at Jake and Lilly’s baby pictures. We have a digital photo frame in our kitchen that randomly flashes photos from the past year and half, some of which seem as if they were taken decades ago. Every now and then, I find myself stopping to smile and remember. The changes that two little ones go through over the course of a year and a half are almost unfathomable. From all the firsts, like rolling over, lifting their heads, walking, talking, to the gradual physical transformation of baby to toddler is amazing to me. When I look at every single picture, I notice one common factor. No matter how many pictures we have stored on our computer of the two of them, every shot includes a precious face.

Maybe it’s a smiling face like this one:

Or a not-so-happy-face like this:

Or a profile of a favorite activity:

Or a reflection of a new discovery:

Or a look of wonder:

When I look at my kids, I want to see their faces. Their eyes tell all. Their smiles melt me. Their tears I wipe away. All of their emotion is worn on their faces.

Cody and I are planning a trip for our tenth anniversary in May. When I think about leaving Jake and Lilly for an entire week, the only thing that eases me is that I know that our modern technology will allow me to see their sweet faces even though I’ll be miles and miles away from them. It’s not the same as receiving a gentle yet slobbery kiss, but it will be enough to exchange smiles and blow kisses across the ocean.

Sometimes, my kids don’t want to look at my face. When I am disciplining them, it’s so important to me that they look at me. Jake, especially, hates to look in my eyes when we are having “a talk” after being in time-out. Sometimes, I have to hold his face and turn it to mine. It’s not so that I can control him; it’s so that he can see me, and what my face is communicating. I want him to know that it’s OK to mess up. That forgiveness comes afterwards. That he gets to start over. But so many times, he tries with everything in him to look away. Sometimes when I am holding his face, turning it to mine, he will close his eyes, determined not to look at me.

I realize that I can be as stubborn as Jake, turning my head away, even closing my eyes when God wants me to look at Him. I do this when I try to handle everything life throws at me all by myself. Sometimes, I look away when I don’t trust Him and I let doubt overwhelm me. Other times, it’s when I think I can hide something from Him. Most of the time, it’s because I’ve messed up royally and I am ashamed. But every single time, He holds my face in His hands and turns it to His and communicates His love, His grace, and His forgiveness. In those moments, I wonder why I ever looked away in the first place.

My Dad sent me a link to a radio sermon last week titled, Just Face It. It’s a study of Psalm 27, in which David writes about seeking God’s face with all of his heart. David, even though he messed up plenty of times, is called a man after God’s own heart. He understood what it meant to seek God and nothing else. He knew the beauty of looking into the face of God. I have a choice to seek God; to either look Him in the face and discover His beauty and His plan for my life, or close my eyes and look the other way.

This morning I came across another reference to this kind of face-to-face relationship. Exodus 33:11 says that “the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks with his friend.” My close friends are those that I see in person and share face-to-face conversation with or, in some cases, share a heart-to-heart conversation with when face-to-face is not possible. Those are the friendships that take time and effort. They are friendships that have been developed over years and through all that life brings. They are the people who know “my stuff.” But God knows more than any friend could ever know, because He knows my heart. He sees everything, even the stuff I try to hide. Psalm 38:9 says, “All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.”

Even when I look away, He still pursues me, desperately wanting “face time” with me. John 15:16 explains it better than I can: “You did not choose Me, but I chose you. I appointed you that you should go out and produce fruit and that your fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He will give you.” I may not have it all figured out, but I do know that the longer I spend getting to know Him and spending time in His presence, looking at His face, the more time with Him I crave. That’s the beauty of getting face to face with God.

My heart says of you, “Seek His face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Psalm 27:8