Beauty

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.  Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

When we flew over the island of Oahu, it was an absolutely magnificent view, and all I could think of was “beauty.”  If ever a place of beauty exists, this is it.  A breathtaking combination of mountains covered with the most interesting vegetation, valleys lined with stunning waterfalls, and the merging of water and land, as the Pacific Ocean laps up onto the shore of this island created from volcanic ash.  Beauty from ashes.

I read this verse from Isaiah the week before we left, and it has been rolling around in my head ever since.  So it didn’t surprise me that this was the first thing that came to mind as we set out to explore this stunning island.  

From my own experience, I know what it’s like to watch God dig up something I thought was dead and give it new life.  I have been utterly hopeless, yet God gave me hope.  He has taken every one of my tears and turned each one into pure joy.  I don’t fear the darkness anymore, because that’s where I found Him, and began to see Him so much clearer.  My faith is not newly founded; I’ve been talking to Jesus since I was a little girl.  But not that long ago, in the midst of the loneliest, scariest, darkest season of my life, he gently reached down and lifted my face to His and spoke into my heart.  His message was simple, but powerful. 

“You are not alone.”

“I am walking each step with you.” 

“This is not your fault.”

“I am creating something beautiful, but it may take time, and it will require you to fully trust in me.”
 “I will turn your tears into joy.”

And you know what? He did. 

Lots of people know that we waited over four years for God to bless us with children.  On the outside it probably looks a lot like this:  Couple wants children, so they pray.  They pray, and they trust God.  They wait a long, long time.  They suffer a couple losses, but they keep praying.  Then, God gives them two babies, and they are filled with joy.  

That’s not quite the story, though.  There is so much that is left out of that version.  Like the part about being filled with joy.  Joy came before the blessing, not after.  I found joy in the midst of the tears.

Isaiah 45:3 says, “And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness— secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.”  This is another verse that God keeps bringing me to over and over again.  I guess it’s because of everything I have discovered in utter darkness.  Things He taught me about Himself that truly changed me from the inside out.  It was not a pretty process, though, by any means.  It was full of pain and grief and tears and loneliness like I’ve never felt before.  But all of that darkness was required so that I could focus on the light… His light.  And in the process, a part of me died… the part of me that thought I could control my life.  The part of me that desperately relied on and expected perfection in every aspect of my existence.  The part of me that was convinced I must have done something wrong to be brought to this place.  He has asked me to lay so much at His feet.  And I am so relieved to let it all go.  

I am not the same person.  Nope, I’m not.  My joy did not come at the news that two babies were on the way.  That was a joyful day, no doubt.  But true joy came in the darkness, long before my prayers were answered.  That’s the part of the story I cannot leave out.  

This verse makes a lot more sense to me at this point in my life:  “What you sow does not come to life unless it dies." 1 Corinthians 15:36 (NIV)  

As I looked around this beautiful paradise, I realized that if it were not for the eruption of an underwater volcano and heaps and heaps of ugly ash, this tropical paradise would never have become what it is today.  A million years ago, this island did not look the same.  Beauty was a process, and God was in charge of that meticulous, perfect process.  Why? So that He could get all the glory.  And so that we would know He is the Lord, the One who calls us by name.

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Revelation 21:5 (NIV)