Gift Giving

This week I patted myself on the back.  I smiled to myself.  I applauded my awesome efforts in getting several people checked off my gift-giving list before the first of December.  I thought ahead, planned ahead, shopped ahead.  One less thing to worry about, I told myself.  And then, in the middle of my self-acclamation, I realized that this is not what gift-giving is all about.  I had been approaching it, as I do every year, as a list of things to get done.  Routine.  Meaningless.  Habitual.  How can it be that this is what giving at Christmas has become? 

Bothered by my own obliviousness, I sat down this morning and thought about why we give gifts at Christmas anyway.  Then I read about two different women who offered two completely different gifts to Jesus and what He had to say about them.

They Did What They Could

The first is about a poor widow, who gave everything she had:

⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. ⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”  Mark 12:41-44

This woman gave what she had, even though it might not be considered worthy by human standards.  But Jesus called her actions greater than the rest.  Clearly, this lesson was not about money but the spirit of surrendering everything, just as He gave everything for us.

I love how Jesus described the rich people as contributing ‘large amounts’ and compared it to her ‘two very small copper coins.’  I fall into the trap over and over when I think that the little things are insignificant.  Sometimes, I just want God to give me this really big task, and in the process, I miss out on the small one He’s given me to take care of.  To Jesus, this widow’s offering was HUGE, even though most of us would agree it seems pretty insignificant.  

Two chapters later, there is yet another woman, Mary, who anointed Jesus with expensive perfume:

³ While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head. ⁴ Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, “Why this waste of perfume? ⁵ It could have been sold for more than a year’s wages and the money given to the poor.” And they rebuked her harshly. 

⁶ “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. ⁷ The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. ⁸ She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. ⁹ Truly I tell you, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Mark 14:3-9

I don’t think it is coincidence that these two stories are so closely recorded in the gospel of Mark.  While the first deals with a woman who literally had nothing, the second is about a woman who is ridiculed and scolded for offering a gift that was very expensive, worth a year’s wages.  Though the circumstances vary, both women did what they could, and they acted on the urge in their hearts to honor Jesus with what they had.  When Mary was rebuked and her actions were called ‘a waste,’ Jesus called what she did ‘beautiful.’

These two stories about women who offered what they had to Jesus were such good reminders for me that Jesus values my heart status above all else.  That is where He determines great worth.  2 Corinthians 8:12 says, “For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has not according to what one does not have.”

Gifts of High Value  

When I think about gifts that I have received and value highly, two come to mind immediately.  Oddly enough, neither was a Christmas present. 

The first gift that I treasure is one my husband gave to me just last Mother’s Day.  He didn’t spend a penny on this gift.  In fact, there was no card, no wrapping, and it was perfect.  On a single sheet of paper, he had written me a letter.  Not just any letter.  He had put time into this letter.  The words on the page of that plain white sheet of paper represented his heart, open and honest.  It was appreciation and love and respect and affirmation and value.  His words were precious to me the day I read them and they have not lost their value with time.  Each time I pull it out and read it again, my eyes still fill with tears.

The second gift was given to me over eleven years ago, and I will never forget the day I received it.  My mom and I were shopping for my wedding veil.  I had purchased the dress a couple months before and was thrilled when I received a coupon at a bridal show for a headpiece.  I should have known when I needed an appointment that the coupon would not even make a dent in the price.  But, determined to have an elegant wedding on a budget, I made the call and booked a time.

It was a beautiful place.  A very, very fancy place.  A place with no price tags. 

We looked around and I tried a few on.  Then, I fell in love with a scalloped veil with Austrian crystals scattered and sewn throughout it and a simple, yet stunning tiara.  After everyone in the small shop confirmed that I looked breathtaking, I quietly asked the woman helping us how much the two would cost. 

When she told me the price, my initial concern was confirmed.  It was way out of our price range.  In fact, it far exceeded the cost of my wedding dress.  And I’m quite certain that the coupon did not even cover the tax on these two items.

As I opened my mouth to tell the sweet woman there was no way we could afford this beautiful-yet-ridiculously-overpriced headpiece, my mom finished my sentence with, “We’ll take it.” 

I spun around and stared at my mom, who had been sitting quietly in the corner, and mouthed a confused, “What?!?!” 

She nodded, and then asked the sales lady if we could have a moment.  When it was just us, she asked me, “Well, do you love it?” 

I replied, “Yes, of course, but, Mom, I can’t let you spend that much on this.” 

She looked me square in the eyes and said, “But I want you to have it.” 

There is no telling how long it took my mom to pay off that veil and tiara.  She sent what money she could every month until it was paid for.  We both managed to keep this little secret from my dad for over ten years.  We confessed this story over Thanksgiving weekend, and I could tell he was a bit bummed that he was kept in the dark.  He summed it up well, though, when he said, “That is such a good story.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Years later, now that I’m a mom, I realize that it had nothing to do with money.  My mom understood the way I would feel.  The tiara and veil were not valuable to me; I only wore them once.  It was my mom’s sacrifice that revealed how much she valued me, not the pretty thing on my head.   It wasn’t the sparkly jewels or elegant lace that I remember all these years later; it was the look on my mom’s face when she said, “I know we can’t afford it, but I want you to have it.”  As long as I live, I will never forget that feeling. 

As I made the obvious connection between these two gifts I’ve received and the two stories in Mark, I wondered why they were both so special to me.  One literally cost nothing monetarily.  The other could quite possibly be considered a “waste” to spend an absurd amount of money on something I wore for a few hours.  But to me, both are priceless gifts.

I realized, though, what makes these two gifts stand out to me.  Even if I tried, there is no way I could reciprocate.  I couldn’t have gone out and spent the same amount of money on my mom and had it mean the same thing her gift meant to me.  And even if I grabbed a sheet of paper and scribbled out words from my heart to my husband, it would dim in comparison to his gift written sincerely, out of love. 

Christmas is a season of long lists of gifts to purchase, and I’m not sure about you, but everyone on my list is someone I’m expecting a gift from this year as well.  In fact, if I’m brutally honest, some people are on my list just because I know they’re going to get me something.  There’s all that pressure to get something as nice as the gift I think they might get me and the stress involved with spending enough but not too much,… it’s no wonder the meaning gets lost so easily.

Giving… Not Just Gifts

The Bible talks a lot about giving.  And sometimes it’s a physical gift or offering.  Other times it’s what can’t be seen.  It’s a giving that goes on inside our hearts.

Jesus says to give forgiveness.  And He’s pretty specific about it.

³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.  ³⁷ …Forgive, and you will be forgiven.  Luke 6:35, 37

I will admit I am forgiving…. once I know that the person who hurt me is really sorry.  I want them to acknowledge my hurt and feel horrible about it.  That’s usually when forgiveness rolls out of my heart.  But Jesus says give it even if it’s not requested.  Jesus says, “That person, you know, the one who is constantly offending you, insulting you, wounding you?  That’s who you should forgive.” 

Jesus talks about extending our time and service, too.  And, again, He points out that true giving is expecting nothing in return.

¹² Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. ¹³ But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, ¹⁴ and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”  Luke 14:12-14

So why is it that we get so wrapped up each year in this whole gift-giving thing?  Why do we exchange presents in the first place?  Most people know that the tradition of giving gifts originated from the gifts that were presented to Jesus by the three wise men who followed a star to the place where He was. Going back to this familiar story this week, I learned a few new things....

 The Origin of Christmas Presents

On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Matthew 2:11

There are so many different theories about the meaning behind the three gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh.  Some believe that these were very practical gifts- gold being, of course, the most valuable, frankincense used in fragrance or perfume, and myrrh used as anointing oil.  Some say that these gifts provided the family with the means to travel to Egypt to escape Herod.

I believe that every word in the Bible holds meaning and that the three gifts, which these kings traveled a long distance carrying, held great significance, as well.  Though they may have been very practical gifts, they were precious to Jesus.

Gold, a costly metal used in the Old Testament building of the ark of covenant, symbolizes a king.  But not just any king.  A King that will reign forever.  Gold is of such high value to man because it is beautiful, but also because it is enduring.  It will not rust, dissolve, or fade away.  In the same way, the Kingdom of God will never end.

Frankincense was used as a medicine.  In fact, it is said to be used in the treatment of arthritis.  While it seems odd to give a gift of this nature to a young boy, who probably did not suffer from arthritis pain, the fact that this substance was obtained by making a deep incision into the truck of a tree can be connected with Jesus’ future sacrifice through his death, on a tree.  Frankincense was also used in the Old Testament to make incense.  It is referred to in Exodus 30: 35 as “pure and sacred.”  In Hebrew, the root word used is laban, or white.  The same word is used in Isaiah 1:18: “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”  Isaiah 53:5 defines how this is so:  “By his wounds, we are healed.”

Myrrh was used in Egypt to embalm mummies.  Though it seems a strange gift to offer a child, the purpose of this gift might have been to foretell Jesus’ death and burial.  In the Old Testament, Moses was instructed by God to use myrrh to make anointing oil for the priests.  This gift points to Jesus as the ultimate High Priest, “the mediator of a new covenant” (Romans 9:15) for “we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all.” (Romans 10:10)

So these gifts were full of meaning and purpose, but the thing that caught my attention as I read this very familiar Christmas story was a few verses before we learn what gifts were given.  Matthew 2:1-2 says, “After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, ‘Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?  We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.’"

Though the wise men brought gifts to Jesus, this was not their primary purpose for traveling.  They came to worship Jesus.  The gifts they had loaded on their camels were secondary to what they had come to offer him out of their hearts.  God used these verses today to speak volumes to me in the midst of my holiday stress.  What did the wise men do?  They bowed down and worshiped their king.  Three kings worshiped the King.  And only after they offered him praise and glory did they pull out their presents. 

Heart Adjustment

This Christmas season, when I think about the gifts I’m giving, or even my time or service, I’m reminded that Jesus values the willingness in my heart, not the check marks next to the boxes on the list I’ve made for myself.  He wants me to focus on giving, not getting anything in return.  He wants me to focus on what is given out of my heart, not my bank account.  He wants me to do what I can with what I have, out of love for Him.  He is worthy of worship and praise.  He is what this season is all about.  There is a reason the wise men came to worship Jesus:  He was God’s gift to us. 

A gift that we can never ever, even if we try, reciprocate. 

A gift we do not deserve and we cannot earn. 

A gift given out of love. 

A gift that reveals how highly God values our relationship with Him.

A gift that cost everything.

A gift that means everything.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.  2 Corinthians 9:15

Minding My P's

I took a deep breath.  I’m pretty sure I was sweating.  This is ridiculous, I thought.  As hard as I tried, I could not fit all of our scheduled activities inside that little white box on the calendar.  In a moment, I was a ball of stress, ready to skip this holiday season altogether.

I know I’m not alone.  We all have too much going on and too little time to get it all done.  We all struggle with saying yes and saying no and cramming too much “good stuff” into what little time we have.  It happens to me every single year right about this time.  And so often, I come dangerously close to missing what this season is all about.

Trying to get ahead of myself this year, I’m choosing to be mindful of my “P’s.”  Perfectionism and People-Pleasing.  Why these two get turned up a hundred degrees during this winter season is beyond me, but they demand that I keep a constant check on them both.

Perfectionism is something I’ve been trying to overcome for a while now.  Not only do I struggle with thinking everything around me should be perfect, but there is a desire deep within me to make myself perfect, too.  In my mind I know this is impossible, yet I strive for it daily.  And it doesn’t stop there.  If I expect myself to be perfect, then you can bet my expectations for those around me are way up there as well.  Especially those who are closest to me. 

While I’ve made some strides in lowering those unrealistic expectations, I still get sucked back in every now and then.  And it usually happens when my mind is cluttered and distracted.  I read an awesome book this summer, given to me by a dear friend who understands my struggle.  It’s called You’re Already Amazing, by Holley Gerth.  And I found the most freeing piece of scripture within her message:

If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.  1 John 4:12 (NKJV)

I now realize that I don’t have to be perfect, because God’s perfect love lives inside of me.  This word for perfect actually means complete, whole.  My life in Christ should continue to grow and mature, but it begins when I acknowledge that I am nothing without Jesus.  That He is what gives my life meaning.  He is what makes me complete.

This spring, Cody bought me a pair of polarized sunglasses for our anniversary.  First of all, I should say, I have never spent more than $20 on a pair of sunglasses and that’s at the high end.  A $5 pair has always served its purpose just fine.  But, having purchased some polarized sunglasses himself for a recent fishing trip, he wanted to splurge and get me these ridiculously, over-priced sunglasses.  When I found out how much they cost, I told me that I could not keep them.  But then, I put them on and walked outside.  Immediately after that, I changed my mind and decided to keep them.  Oh, and I think I said thank you to my sweet husband.

Less than a month later, Jake knocked them off the kitchen counter and a teeny, tiny scratch resulted from the fall. It was barely noticeable… until I put them on.  That teeny, tiny scratch lined up perfectly with the exact spot on the lens that my right eye looked through when I put them on.  After inquiring about replacing the lens (and calculating how many $5 pair of sunglasses I could buy with the money it would require to purchase one lens), I decided to live with the scratch.  It’s a good reminder to me that God can use all those scratches, scrapes, and scars, if I let Him.

I'm learning, through my own brokenness, that when His light lives inside me, He can shine through those cracks, which He allowed in the first place.  I’ve come to appreciate the messiness of life too, and have found beauty in what otherwise seems to be a very ugly place.  And it all started with recognizing that I will never be perfect.  It’s not possible.  And I have wasted so much time and energy trying to make it happen, when God says that He can use me just like this, imperfections and all.

Oh, but there’s that other pesky “P:”  People-pleasing.  This sounds so noble, so gracious, so selfless.  But God has shown me that it is actually the essence of selfishness and pride.  Pleasing people has nothing at all to do with the fact that I care about people… it has everything to do with the fact that I care about what they think of me!  It involves thoughts centered entirely around me.  I’ve been guilty of spending an absorbent amount of time replaying conversations in my head.

What did she mean when she said that?

Oh, I should have said this….

What does she think of me?

That was a dumb thing to say….

And when I give that much brain space to myself, it is sickening.  But that is exactly what people-pleasing is all about.  Putting myself higher than others and wanting desperately to be liked and valued and accepted.  All of the things that God gives to me freely.  I don’t have to win a popularity contest, because He says that I am loved, valued, and accepted, flaws and all. 

A phrase from the book my friend gave to me that I have seared into my memory so I never forget it is this:  “Love all, please One.”

So simple, yet so very hard to live out.  God is the only One who sees my heart, so He is the only One I should be seeking to please.  Matthew 22:37-39 holds Jesus’ response to the question:  “What is the greatest commandment?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (NIV)

We are commanded to love others too, but this comes second to giving God top priority in our hearts.  And loving people is different than pleasing people.  Love accepts that others might not agree with me.  Love gives even though it understands that it is impossible to be liked by everyone.  Making sure that my words, my attitudes, and my actions are pleasing to God lets me off the hook of trying to make everyone like me.  Instead of replaying conversations in my head, wondering what so-and-so thought about such-and-such, I can approach God and ask, “What do you think of this?”  and “What do you think of me?” 

Asking God to share his thoughts is something that I forget to do.  In my busyness, I often seek to get these questions answered by others, when, in fact, God is waiting for me to take those questions to Him.  And when I get still enough and quiet enough, I am always amazed at what I hear in that gentle whisper. 

He waits for us to ask.  He wants us to come to Him and place Him as the top priority in our lives.  The rest just kinda falls into place.  So, as I step back and stare at my jam-packed calendar, I have to stop and ask God,

What do you think about all of this? 

What is most important to you? 

What have I committed to with the wrong motives or wrong attitudes? 

What do I need to let go of?

How do you want my time to be used?

And then comes the challenging part: clearing away the distractions so that I can hear His answer.

Find out what pleases the Lord. Ephesians 5:10 NIV

the color of winter

The color of springtime is in the flowers; 

the color of winter is in the imagination.   

 ~Terri Guillemets

 

Enough

My grace is sufficient for you.  2 Corinthians 12:9

As a Momma of two little ones, I often wonder why a simple task like getting out of bed in the morning can be so stinkin' hard.  This morning I deviated from what I know works for me.  This morning my day began without coffee, without prayer, and without Jesus.  If I ever question whether the time I spend with Him each day counts for anything, the events of this morning cleared up all those uncertainties.

My daily routine involves drinking a full cup of strong coffee (preferably before the kids get up so that it is still hot) and spending some time with Jesus.  This is not because I am holy or disciplined or a good person;  it is because my life is a complete mess without Him and I have come to that place in my life where I realize my total dependence on Him.  In the past, my time with God was always about checking off a box on a long list of things that I told myself I should do.  It was empty to say the least.

Several years ago, God gently took my life and dumped it upside down and made me very aware of the fact that He alone is in control of my life.  At first, I fought it with everything in me, but what I experienced in the middle of the most heart-breaking season of my life was absolute freedom.  I was hurting, no doubt, but I trusted that God would take all that pain and use it somehow.  The realization that I was not in control and that God's plan was entirely different from mine brought me a strange sense of peace.  It made absolutely no sense to me, but I started to want to know more about what His plan for my life involved, because surely it was better than the draft I’d written up. Part of that involved making time each day for Him.  

I won't tell you that I never miss a day...because I do.  Stuff happens.  Just like everybody else, I live a crazy life.  I've had to get real creative with what that time looks like since two little people joined our family two and a half years ago.  But, it is a precious time to me, and every now and then (like today) God reminds me of why I so desperately need it.

For the past couple of weeks, Jake has been getting up when it’s still dark, thanks to daylight-savings.  This morning, he slept in…. until 6:00.  So I took advantage of the extra sleep and stayed in bed, too.  When both kids woke up, we did the usual get-dressed-brush-teeth stuff and then headed downstairs for breakfast.  Somewhere in between making lunches for school and getting breakfast going, I snapped.  I yelled.  Loudly.  There were tears.  Lots and lots of tears… not mine.   

I know what you are thinking…. especially if you are a mom.  Maybe I got your attention.  Perhaps you’re settling in, getting ready to read about what horrible antics my toddlers pulled on me, what catastrophe occurred, or what hilarious story I’m about to disclose.  Well, I’m afraid I have bad news.  I’m sitting here a few hours after my hectic morning, trying so badly to recall what happened, what set me off, what punishable behavior justified my outburst, and I've got nothing.

So where did I leave off?  Oh, yes, the yelling and the tears.  And then my husband entered the room.  He greeted me with: “Why are you yelling?”  To which I responded with: more yelling.  Am I the only one who wants to scream back even louder when someone (such as my sweet, rested husband) points out my apparent flawed attitude?  It got way worse before it got better.  I was ready to crawl back into bed by 7:00am!  

The worst part about my morning was that I knew I was wrong.  I knew I was overreacting.  I knew I did not want to be yelling at my family.  My anger at them turned to anger at myself.  Why is this so hard?  I'm really trying, I thought. And then, I recalled a message I heard yesterday; one that I need to be reminded of often.

It goes something like this:  I can never try hard enough to be patient enough, kind enough, good enough…without Jesus.  I can make up my mind to try to have patience and gentleness every single day and it still won’t be enough…unless I rely on Jesus.  I will continue to end up in this place of guilt and defeat over and over and over again…unless I allow His grace to work in my life. 

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”  Grace is a gift that I’ve already been given.  I cannot earn it.  I cannot work to get it.  When I try on my own without Jesus... to be patient and not scream at my kids, to love my husband and not resent him for the extra hour of sleep he got, to keep this family afloat during a crazy holiday season,... I end up in the same place I was yesterday.  The Bible says that God has everything I need, and I know He wants to teach me through His Son, Jesus.  Through who He is.  Through what His Word says about the life He lived.  By spending time with Him, I get a better idea of how He can help me approach my hectic day.

Without my dependence on Jesus daily, it just becomes this never-ending list of things I’m striving for… on my own.  And every time I attempt to go that route, I look up and I’m somewhere I don’t want to be.  In the middle of screaming at my entire family this morning, I got a sweet text from a friend, commenting on another post I had written on this blog.  She told me she thought I was such a patient mom.  When I read her sweet words, meant to encourage me, I realized that God, in His great sense of humor, had used those words to remind me that I am nothing without Jesus.  I am not patient.  I am not kind.  I am not peaceful.  Only when I go deeper into my understanding of who He is am I even able to grasp what it means to live like He did.  As I drove my kids to school, I wondered how I let my morning get so far out of control, and then I remembered this verse:  My grace is sufficient for you.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Thank you, Jesus, for your grace. Thank you that no matter how badly I mess up, your grace is always enough.  Thank you that I have been freed from the burden of striving to be good enough.   Please help me to accept your grace and extend grace to others, including my family.  Without you I am nothing.  Thank you for showing me what a difference you make in my everyday life.  Thank you for reminding me how ugly it can be when I lose sight of you.  Amen.

In The Struggle

As Jake and Lilly quickly approach two and a half, a precious new phrase is uttered daily and now bounces off the walls of our home. 

“No!  Me do!”

Getting dressed, getting undressed, brushing teeth, washing hands, climbing into the car, climbing out of the car, buckling seat belts, unbuckling seat belts, putting shoes on, taking shoes off… I could go on and on and on.  Jake’s newest discovery is the mobility of the step stool.  This has opened up so many doors for his little adventurous spirit… as well as many drawers that should remain shut.

Some of these tasks are easy for them to do.  They are 100% capable and complete them independently.  Others require my help and they can’t stand the thought of that!  For example, while getting undressed is easy, getting dressed is a different feat altogether.  In order to avoid a complete and total battle-of-the-wills at 7:00 am, I have learned (painfully, I’ll admit) to allow “the struggle.”

Let me define “the struggle:”

Those simple little morning routines that six months ago took us about fifteen minutes to complete can now require as much time as an hour…. or more, depending on the general mood of the morning.  So, instead of trying to rein in my little people who think they can do everything all by themselves, I let them exert as much effort and determination as they can possibly muster up, and allow them to give it everything they’ve got.  My struggle to get two toddlers out the door in the morning has been replaced with their struggle to figure it out, and in the process, has provided pure entertainment for a Momma at her wit’s end.

This week, as “No! Me do! No! Meeeeee do! Nooooooooo! Meeeeee dooooo!” poured out of the mouth of my wee one, I took a step back and watched, smiling at the sight of two legs going through the same pant leg…. backwards.  After a time of struggling on her own, a tiny body with a horrible wardrobe malfunction hobbled over and said, “Pease hep!”

And “please help” is my cue.  Only after those words are uttered do I step in and assist.  Sometimes, my kids realize right away that they need my help and other times it is a painstakingly slow and grueling process.  But I wait.

During that particular struggle this week, I realized that God does the same for me.  He allows “the struggle,” and probably gets a kick out of my efforts, which always end up completely jumbled without Him.  But He waits patiently for me to realize that I need Him.  That I can’t do anything without Him, but through Him, I can do all things because He gives me strength.  (See Philippians 4:13) 

In Matthew 9:28-29, Jesus asks two blind men, desperate for healing, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  As they answer, “Yes,” Jesus restores their sight and says to them, “According to your faith let it be done to you.”  

Merriam Webster defines faith as “the firm belief in something for which there is no proof;  complete trust.”  During the last six weeks, I’ve had to repeatedly rely on my so-called “faith.”  And lately, after making my requests known to God, I’ve often pictured Jesus asking me this same question:  “Do you believe that I am able to do this?”

If I’m honest, sometimes I really don’t.  Sometimes, I buy into the lie that God must need my help.  That my efforts could speed things up, move things along.  He must sit back and chuckle when I tell Him how I think He should run this show.  It is such a ridiculous thought when I picture the same scenario going on between me and my two toddlers. How could my efforts do anything but get in His way and muddle things up?

But it’s right there in the middle of my “struggle” that I remember His power and strength, and I realize that He is able. There are numerous more healings in the book of Matthew and each time Jesus makes someone well, He says something similar. 

To the Roman officer who has faith in a single authoritative word from Jesus, he replies, “Because you believed, it has happened.” (Matthew 8:13 NLT) 

To the sick woman who reaches out in faith to touch Jesus’ cloak, believing that it is enough to heal her, Jesus says, “Take heart, daughter.  Your faith has healed you.” (Matthew 9:22 NIV)

To the leper who says, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean,” Jesus answers, “I am willing.  Be clean!”  (Matthew 8:2-3 NIV, emphasis mine)

As I continued reading about the people Jesus healed and those He raised from the dead and all the other miraculous things He did, this verse stopped me dead in my tracks:  “And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.”  (Matthew 13:58 NIV)  I so badly do not want to be that place!  Though I’m glad God allows me to struggle it out on my own, I don’t want to choose that path, if I can help it. Life is much less hectic, when I allow my faith, not my fear, to direct my day.  If Jesus asks me, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?”  I want my answer to be a resounding, “Yes!” 

So, how do I get there?  

Remembering how He has worked in my life in the past helps me to recognize his power and authority in my present.  

Focusing on who He is reminds me of what He is able to do. 

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you.”  Matthew 17:20-21