In the Time-Out Trenches

God made both of my kids exactly the way they are for a reason. He created them, in His image, for His plans and purposes. He gave them each unique gifts and distinct personalities. I repeat: distinct personalities. These two very present personalities, that often don’t jive simultaneously, have been the cause of much stress for me this week. At the brink of my demise, I sent this text to a friend: I’m gunna go insane. I am one time-out away from the looney bin!

I will be honest. I’ve cried. I’ve asked God for patience…. like every hour. I’d be lying if I said my evenings this week did not end with two glasses of wine and a big bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce. I have seen sibling rivalry at its ugliest. I have questioned whether I am winning or losing this “Battle of the Wills.” I have listened to screaming and crying. I’ve witnessed hair pulling, pushing, and hitting. I'm pretty sure we've set a time-out record.

You name it, my kids have fought over it this week. The green crayon. The rocking horse. Mommy’s lap. The bubble blower, also known as Tomater. The same car (even though we have two that are exactly the same).

Then, I witness this:

And this:

The first photo was Tuesday afternoon. I put on a DVD so that I could attempt to reclaim my sanity after a very long and very loud afternoon. I guess they decided to share a chair. Not sure why that same “sharing attitude” was not discovered earlier in the day.

The second was yesterday afternoon. One of Jake and Lilly’s favorite toys to play with together is the little red wagon. I love it and hate it. Some days it unites them, some days it divides them. On this particular day, it managed to hold them … together.

I was reminded today that all of my kids' gifts and individual qualities are precious in God's sight. Things like a strong will, a serious determination, a free spirit, a sense of humor, patient affection, a sensitive spirit, unwavering courage, a wild imagination, a fierce heart, logical reasoning, and a distinct passion that has yet to develop in each of their lives. This is the stuff God gave to them. For a reason. For a purpose. For His glory.

Although I often lose sight of this, my job is to teach my kids how to use the unique gifts God has given them in a way that will bring Him glory. It seems so simple, but such a hard truth for me to grasp when I’m in the “time-out trenches!"

The "Perfect" Day

Yesterday Cody took the day off, so we spent the morning talking to the animals at the zoo. I really had high hopes for this “day of fun” that we had planned all week. Not even the forecast of scattered showers was going to take away from our family affair. After checking the weather upon waking, we decided that we would take a chance and try to cram it all in before nap-time when most of the rain was due to come our way. We chose wisely. As soon as we got back in the car to head home, the rain began to fall. You would think that we would have been celebrating this victory over the weather conditions but, no. We did not. We were too busy arguing over what could have possibly gotten into Jake to cause him to scream throughout the entire zoo.

"He was hungry."

"He wanted to walk."

"He was tired."

"He was thirsty."

We are still undecided on the true cause of his breakdown. Animals were going into hiding, scared of the shrill sounds leaving his lips. At one point, after he decided he was not happy about riding in the stroller, being carried by Daddy or walking on his own, he plopped himself down on the ground in the middle of what Cody and I did not recognize as a muddy puddle. I am laughing as I write about this little detail now, but let me assure you that neither of us was laughing then.

On our last adventure to the zoo (back in December) Lilly was the vocal one, screaming and throwing an embarrassing temper tantrum when we had to exit the carousel, and again when she had to ride in the stroller back to the parking lot. When I remember how Jake behaved that day, I can almost promise you that he had a shiny halo above his head. He was the perfect little gentleman. Well, as if both kids read my post last month about taking turns, that little gentleman was nowhere to be found yesterday. Lilly was the polite onlooker, smiling and waving at all the animals, totally oblivious to her brother’s antics. (I guess she asked to borrow the halo for the day.) So while we may have had our triumph over the rainclouds, we have come to the conclusion that we have absolutely no control over two little personalities that on any given day may choose between “sweet angel” or “holy terror.”

As I look through these pictures, which were taken prior to Jake’s plummet into unhappiness, it seems as if this was the “perfect day” we had planned all along. I wonder if, years from now, we’ll look at these pictures and remember the disagreement we had upon leaving or the excitement we all felt about getting so close to the giraffes. I wonder if we will think about the silence we chose on the ride home or the giggles we heard at the sight of every animal our kids recognized.

I’m not sure why we as parents have to keep reminding ourselves that we are on the same team. I will never understand why we turn on each other when one or both kids act out and ruin our plan for “the perfect family outing.” I have given up trying to be “the perfect family.” I am unclear if that even exists. I don’t think it does. Perfection is way overrated, if you ask me. I am comfortable saying that we are not “the perfect family,” even though every one of these pictures tells a different story. Without the true version, it might seem as if everybody was happy and joyful the entire time. It might seem as if each of us was just bursting with love for each other and that patience never ran out. As much as these pictures boast of our family fun, I will admit that we did not have “the perfect zoo day.” And that’s OK. We have each other, with all our faults and unpleasant moods, and I’d choose that any day over perfection.

Lilly tried her hardest to get the attention of this long-necked friend.

Jake's happy squeals did the trick. He either frightened or surprised this same giraffe... we're not completely sure. The giraffe nodded his head in Jake's direction before turning and walking away.

Both kids loved seeing this elephant up close and personal. Their favorite song these days is "Elephants Have Wrinkles." As soon as we start to sing it, they start waving their trunks in the air!

Next to the carousel, the Children's Zoo is Jake and Lilly's favorite spot in the entire zoo. With brushes in hand, they set out to make some new friends.

Why did we bring a stroller, again? I'm pretty sure it was empty 90% of the time we were there.

Jake exchanged words with this quiet but wise gorilla.

Don't ask me why, but both of my children are fascinated by birds. They still refer to most of them as ducks, but who cares?!

We were all really happy this Komodo Dragon was behind the glass...

...all of us but Lilly. If given the chance, she would have bent down and given him a kiss, I'm certain of it.

Going to the zoo with these two is like rediscovering these animals for the first time. Watching each of them notice a tiger, then make a "roooooooaaaaaar" sound with all their might never gets old.

A Day at the Park

Jake and Lilly love going to the park. What could be better than feeding hungry ducks, zipping down the slide, swinging back and forth, or (for Lilly) riding every single dinosaur, airplane, bumble bee, and frog? Noni and Poppy visited this past weekend, so we took advantage of the beautiful weather and spent the morning at the park.

It’s rare that Jake and Lilly are both drawn to the same piece of playground equipment, but the slide really captivated their attention that day. (Usually, the two of them take off in opposite directions, never to meet up until it’s time to get back in the car again.) Jake was content to run up the ramp with Daddy, and Lilly took to the stairs, climbing up one by one until she got to the top where Poppy was waiting.

Cryptic Conversations

We have officially crossed over into brand new territory. Or maybe we’ve been here a while and I’m just accepting it as reality. I’m pretty sure this just happened overnight. Jake and Lilly understand everything…. I mean everything! It’s a bit deceiving since their vocabulary is still in the developing stages, but nothing gets by these two and that really sends me into a panic! You can only use the phrase "you know what," so many times in a single sentence. We already spell half our conversations, and now they are totally on to us. Among the most common words that cannot be uttered any longer and must be spelled are these:

O.U.T.S.I.D.E.

S.H.O.E.S.

E.A.T.

S.N.A.C.K.

S.H.O.W.

C.A.R.

K.I.R.B.Y. (the neighbors’ pug AKA Jake and Lilly’s best friend)

B.A.T.H.

I feel like dressing in black and playing the part of a secret ninja in my own home, it’s that bad! Besides spelling most words, I have considered hiding in the closet while talking on the phone. Why is it that disaster strikes the minute I say hello? Maybe I should spell hello. H.E.L.L.O. Add it to the list. What can it hurt? Cody and I have tried whispering, signing to each other, and speaking with our eyes (which is way harder than it seems). I think I might learn a second language.

An Old Habit Takes a Twist

Jake LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to play with the box of wipes we keep downstairs. It used to be that he would just sit and marvel at this fascinating cause and effect relationship: Push the button, flap flies open, close the flap, push the button, flap flies open, close the flap, push the button, flap flies open, close the flap,...for, like literally, forty five minutes. Well, about a month ago, he discovered it was way more entertaining to rip the wipes out of the box, one by one. I've caught him in the act a least a dozen times. Every time it happens, I get so mad at myself for leaving them where he can reach them.

This week, Lilly has been fighting a cold. I guess Jake's been paying attention to me chasing her around the house, holding a tissue up to her nose, and telling her to "blow," because he blew his nose on about fifty wipes this morning. He'd take one out, hold it to his nose, politely blow his nose, then toss it on top of the heaping pile of wet (and now possibly snotty) wipes. The funniest part about the whole thing? When he saw me coming, he quickly started to stuff all the used wipes back into the box, as if he could hide the evidence!

Maybe he's telling me it's his turn to be "the sick one."

A Special Visit

Yesterday Cody’s grandparents, MeMe and PePaw, stopped by for a visit with Jake and Lilly. The last time they saw these two was when they were teeny, tiny newborns and I was trying to survive on a couple hours of sleep each night. (Cody and I refer to those first couple of months as the “Dark Days!”) I took these pictures while they were here, and am just so thrilled that my kids have met six of their great-grandparents. That really is amazing! The beauty of it hit me today as I watched four generations of Sobieski’s tickling toes and giving high fives.

PePaw and Pop with Jake and Lilly

PePaw and Jake

Grammy and MeMe with Jake and Lilly

The Barefoot Traveler

I really don’t know why I bother. We left this morning with a shoe of some sort on each of my kids’ feet. On time. With no major incidents. This is rare, I tell you! Lilly had a hot pink bow neatly clipped into her unruly hair, which I swear we also combed. We were not in the car for three minutes, barely pulling out of the subdivision, when she started wriggling in her car seat, fidgeting and fiddling with anything she could get a good grasp on and yank. She started with her hair. That pretty pink bow? History. She looked like Cindy Lou Who with her hair sticking straight up in an unattractive clump on top of her head. Then she moved quickly on to her boots. In record time she stripped them both. I guess she was oblivious to the fact that it was 50 degrees outside, because next she plucked off each of her socks and tossed them on the ground in front of her. One sock caught some air and landed in the front passenger seat. So, forget the fact that we were on time. When we got to our destination, I had to redress my daughter’s feet and try desperately to tame her hair so people wouldn’t think she just rolled out of bed with crazy hair. I really think I’m going to skip socks, shoes, and bows altogether. So if I show up somewhere with a barefoot girl sporting a wild mane, don’t judge me.